textsecret

a brief exchange on postsecret's myspace blog:

[ i would call... ] "hey. ive been looking at post secret for years. but this whole thing of giving your phone number out to strangers is not only a bit weird, but also really pathetic. a secret, for me anyway, isnt currency, its not something that can be traded or even owned. giving your phone number out on a public domain is dangerous, but thats a choice. the thing that bothers me the most is that "secrets" have now lost all their value. the best thing about a real secret is being able to get close enough to another human being to be able to trust them with it. and having that kind of trust in another is something that should be treasured. on the other hand, sending your secrets to frank is a diffferent story because its annonymous. and its probably quite theraputic to send them to somewhere like post secret. as you can see im obviously not great at getting my point across but ill close with this. instead of giving out your phone number to strangers, why not find one person, give them your phone number, build something great, get to know them and trust them, then share not only your secrets. but your lives. my best friend is sitting next to me, and he's the only one who knows every secret of mines. i wouldnt have it any other way. peace love unity."

[ s is for sachi ] "thank. you. i completely agree."

[ jesslyfish ] "finally someone has some sense and realizes how dumb it is to post your number on the internet. i also agree that only frank should be the keeper of the secrets."

[ me ] "pathetic? really? ok, lonely maybe, but i would hesitate at pathetic. of course i am biased because i am one of the pathetic people posting my number.

just how is it dangerous? i have yet to understand that one.

i'd say there is no "best thing" about 99% of secrets held by people. secrets tend to be dark and dirty things that people are ashamed of. that's why they are secrets. secrets eat away at people and wreak havoc on personal lives. i would like to think that encouraging folks to rid themselves of their secrets, in any way, would be a good thing.

not everyone can find a person in real life trust worthy enough to share a secret with. sharing with a complete stranger, like frank, can be quite cathartic. i am a complete stranger to everyone that texts me a secret.
doesn't that make what i do similar to what frank does? the service provided is nearly identical isn't it?

i have trust issues as it is so i am rather disinclined to try to get to know anyone, or try to make any new friends, so the possibilities of me having someone to share my darkest secrets with are few. why not toss them into the wind and text them to a complete stranger? sometimes it helps knowing one other person in the world knows what you are carrying around, even if that person is a complete stranger like frank, or myself."

[ i would call... ] "right. i understand everything you've wrote here. and your entitled to your opinion. but further down the page you have written "new secrets updated every monday".
when you post them, does that not mean it no longer is a secret?

anyway.. thats not my point. my point is, how many secrets do you have that you can update them every monday? i donno. im not starting an argument on this blog.

good luck with what ever you do.
x "

[ me ] "thank you for validating that i am, in fact, entitled to my opinion. at least my opinion is not judgmental. i don’t think that you understand any of what i’ve written (nor do i suspect you will understand any of what i write now) because i think that if you truly did understand that you wouldn’t think it was stupid or pathetic. you might find it annoying that people continue to post their numbers, not even commenting on the blog (i always comment on the blog itself) but that is different from what you said.

do you think that all of the postcards on postsecret are from frank? how could he have so many secrets and so many postcards that he can update it every week with 20 new images? obviously, i post the secrets that are sent to me from random strangers who get my number here. the secrets are then posted anonymously; just like postsecret. there are some differences between my site and frank’s, most notably, for obvious reasons, i have no postcards to go along with the secrets that are posted.

since i started doing this, i've gotten well over 1000 secrets sent to me via text. some phone numbers have generated several secrets but the vast majority of the secrets posted are from unique and individual numbers.

just because secrets are posted does not mean they are no longer secrets. i don’t know the person who sent the secret and they don’t know me. they still hold the secret hidden, except for me and any random strangers who might happen to read my blog, but it might not weigh as much now that it has briefly seen the smallest sliver of light. secrets can be heavy burdens to bear alone and sometimes the only person to be trusted with a secret is a stranger.

that is why everyone loves and appreciates what frank does. frank has opened his mailbox so that people around the world can unburden themselves of their secrets without the fear of being found out. maybe if a person can unload a secret to a random stranger and see that secret posted on a blog online, then that person can work up the courage to share that secret with someone closer to them and slowly work up the strength to be rid of the secret completely.

can you see how that might be a good thing? can you see how that might not be pathetic? …or stupid? …or even dangerous?

i googled my phone number. nothing came up. at least nothing that i haven’t made public already. i’m sure if you wanted to spend some money you could find out more but i’m not concerned about it. if i was, i probably wouldn’t post my number to begin with."

***

as always, thank you for sharing. here are this week's secrets:

• my world crumbles a little bit when he doesn't show me he loves me. i know this makes me insecure but because of my past i need to know that i am beautiful, loved, and worth while. i wish i could find the strength to know that i am worth it regardless of everyone else.
• you will always be my george. i miss you.
• i had only felt beautiful when i was anorexic and constantly losing weight. after two years with you i’ve gained it all back plus some but you make me feel beautiful anyway.
• i really like one of my best guy friends but he told me he is gay. i don’t know if i can get over him. i don’t think i want to.
• i still don’t believe you when you say you didn’t cheat. Now you’re going to visit her at her college but you asked my permission? what did you think i would say?
• when people compliment my phone my self-esteem goes way up.
• my best friend faked his death to walk away from everything and start over. i went along with it to prove i loved him then he walked away from me too.
• i wish mike knew i never said those things in the context he heard them. i miss my friend.
• there was a secret with julia in it. i’d give it all up too if i knew it was from him.
• i wish more than anything that my best friend had my boyfriend and i had hers.
• there is a man i would leave my fiance for if he ever gave me the opportunity.
• the only feeling i miss more than you is the blade pushing down on my wrist.
• my best friend and i are perfect for each other but i dated his best friend instead so, according to him, we can never date because of that and it kills me.
• i finally lost my virginity to the best boyfriend ever. all he wants in return is for me to feed him, rub his belly, and take him on walks.
• i told her today i haven’t gotten over her even a little bit. it’s been five months and i am still in love with her. i wish she would realize i love her more than life itself. every time she’s sad i cry on the inside and want to die. i feel like it’s completely my fault. i feel so alone not being around her or with her. i would kill myself right now if it wouldn’t hurt her so much. she’s still my best friend, my everything, but i feel i’ve already lost her.
• i’m a hypocrite. i say i hate liars but i lie every single day and no one has ever noticed.
• i want to die.
• i am not going to say i’m sorry, regardless of what happens tomorrow. you are not a friend of mine so stop pretending to be.
• i was the one who ended it. our divorce was final a year ago. i know we weren’t good together but sometimes i still miss him so much.
• i can’t help but smile whenever i get a text from her.
• i am truly and deeply in love with my ex. i don’t think he understands how much i want to be with him. i am so miserable without him and everyday i think about committing suicide because i can’t be with him.
• i thought he was telling the truth this time and got my hopes up.
• i wish my cousin had never moved here. he’s pathetic and needs his own friends.
• i was fine being single for the rest of my life until i met her. now she has an illness that can kill her at any minute. i think it is god’s way of punishing me for doubting. i love her and can’t live through losing her.
• i need to find someone i can give my all for, someone who will let me love them with every bone in my body. i wish i could find him.
• my best friend and i plan to move in together in a couple of years. two things have me worried: bringing home our girlfriends and boyfriends and 2012.
• i sometimes consider suicide for the sole purpose of making people feel guilty for how they treated me.
• i haven’t eaten today and i feel so pretty.
• how am i supposed to live when the one i’ve been living for is gone?
• i tell people my first year of high school is amazing but i hate it. i’m sick of spending lunch in the bathroom. i wish i could go back to private school.
• i play powerball hoping that if i win and give all of the money to my husband i won’t feel so bad for leaving him. he loves me too much.
• i want to get caught with everything. all the lies and stealing. i want help. I need help. i just can’t ask for it. i’m an addict and i’m so good no one even knows.
• i’m tired of being so good all of the time.
• last year i was in the most amazing relationship of my life but i was sick and i hit her so she left me. now she’s engaged and i spend everyday wishing she would let me try again. i will always love her more than anyone.
• whenever i walk around with my hands in my pocket i’m playing air-guitar.
• i hate to get upset because all you do is get angry when i do, but when you tell me how fucked up my family is it just makes me want to spend more time with them to prove you wrong. but you aren’t. they are assholes.
• i work as a barista and i don’t always wash my hands after using the bathroom.
• i would trade all of your love for money because that’s what i need now.
• i knew it didn’t matter to you when i told you. how is what happened to her worse than what happened to me?
• before I met him, I wished someone would care. remind me to be careful what i wish for.
• secretly, in the back of my mind, i want you to follow me wherever i go because i want you with me every day, every night, and every morning.
• i cut again. you’ll never know. it’s liberating.
• you think you’re helping but really i cut because of you. you’re way of helping makes things worse.
• i’m finally happy with who i’m becoming,
• he doesn’t really say ‘i love you’ anymore but he sings me songs that relate to me and him and i always wish he secretly means something by it.
• at this very moment while i am texting you i am on the phone with the boy i am in love with. i hope to tell him someday.
• i’m disgusted with myself for letting my ex back and breaking up with my boyfriend just to have my ex do the same thing to me again.
• i’m in love with my ex. i know there’s no one out there that can make me as happy as he can. all i want is for him to feel the same way and give me another chance. too bad he has too much pride and cares more about what his family and friends think. he is such a fucking jerk.
• i’m sick of this place and the people here. it’s all too predictable.
• i want to tell you about textsecret so you can try to figure out which secrets are mine.
• i’m afraid to go to the doctor because i’m afraid he’s going to tell me i’m dying.
• my mother terrorizes me. i’m afraid i’ll end up like her.
• i’m still in love with my high school sweetheart but he will never know it even though i still see him every day and call him regularly.
• i only have sex with him because i feel guilty for not loving him.
• i would give anything to be happy again. if i can’t be with her then i don’t want to be alive.
• sometimes i feel as if i don't have a purpose here. if i just disappeared one day, no one would miss me.
• she is living the life i always wanted.
• for the record, i am in love with you, i just won’t admit it.
• i left a two year relationship to be with him but i’m so scared he will leave me if i admit how suicidal i am that i’m thinking of getting back with my ex even though he is abusive just because i know he will be there when i want to die.
• i’m seriously considering trying acid for the first time next weekend.
• you don’t miss me. you say you do, but you don’t. its ok, i wouldn’t miss me either. you should forget me now while it would still be easy.
• sometimes i think that love is just a lie that people go on about and say they feel it just to cover up that they’re not feeling anything at all and that life sucks.
• i am so terrified of planes that i am considering killing myself if i can’t get out of going on my next vacation.
• i didn’t talk to him all weekend but i thought about him the whole time.
• i can almost get through a whole day without thinking of him. everyday is a battle with my inner demons on whether to let go or hold on.
• i want to plead with my friend to not leave me alone to deal with my problems, it will kill me, but i know he won’t listen.
• even though its over i still dream about being with you. / i wonder where we’d be if we’d had sex that night. / i’m still not over you. / i look like i have it all together but really inside i’m falling apart.
• all the pain, confusion, jealousy, and heartbreak was worth what our friendship has become. / i can feel myself turning into a mean person and i hate it. / i just realized that i pretty much hate myself. everything from the scars to the beaver teeth, fat body, personality, and just everything else. / last year, when nearly all of my friends forgot about my birthday it killed me inside. i’m always lying when i tell people i want them to forget about my birthday. / i freak out everything i say to people. i pinch myself or squeeze my hands really tight when ever i think i’ve said something wrong. i hate talking. / i’m so excited because i plan to throw up all my food from now on. / i can feel myself getting worse everyday. i don’t care about anything. i should just do away with myself but i want to get better. / i’m happy but i have a lot of suicidal thoughts. / i can’t cry. i get a few tears out, then it stops. i kind of miss it. / i’m never going to get over my addiction to cutting. i feel like such a failure. / i don’t care if he loves another girl, i’m still going to try to win him over. i still have some hope. the hardest part of this will be not telling my friends. / it’s amazing how fast the butterflies came back whenever he mentions romantic lyrics, says he loves me, or just says something sweet. / he knows me better than i thought.