textsecret

as for some of the longer texts, this is just a matter of the secret holders sending multiple texts. this can be interesting as they don't always come in order! i've noticed also that senders are adding 'pr' and 'nr' either before or after the body of the text. i didn't know what that was at first but quickly realized it was shorthand for 'please respond' and 'no response'. so this is growing and even developing its own shorthand. so here are this week's....

• i’ve been friendless my whole life bc i’m afraid that in making friends they will learn i’m desperate and reject me। when ppl ask who i do things with i usually make it up.
• i can’t cry when we talk about the move because i can’t see that it won’t work. but he’s scared and thinks i will find someone else. i don’t want someone else.
  
• i was glad when my husband cheated. it gave me the reason i needed. i was only mad because she was my friend.
  
• i love my nephew so much because i’m afraid i won’t have kids of my own.
  
• i’ve been abusing laxatives for two weeks. So much for kicking the eating disorder completely….
  
• i’m not gonna lie I’m feeling pretty alone in this world right now. I haven’t met someone truly amazing in a long time.
  
• he married her instead of me.
  
• i often say what a great liar i am. if only they knew what i was lying about.
  
• all i want is a man to spoon me
  
• i hate homosexuals but who am i to judge? i’m gay too
  
• there have been periods in my life where i have slept around and they only leave me feeling empty. it’s my only way to defy love.
  
• i know i cut you out of my life completely but i dream about you every night, i’m sorry. i’m wondering if it was a mistake. i hope that you are doing ok. i’ll miss that friendship.
  
• i like to wear diapers.
  
• i want to be anorexic. i feel it’s the only way.
  
• a fellow teacher @ my school got in trouble for misconduct. i know more then i would admit
  
• i hate sex but i keep pushing my bf to have it with me
  
• sometimes i’m only christian because i get free stuff.
  
• when i was 11 my brother was talking to me about sex and then he offered to show me how it felt i said no but i wonder about it & worry
  
• sometimes i fantasize about hurting myself just to see if he would come to the hospital…
  
• i tell my friends i’m happy being single after 2 failed marriages. i really am overwhelmingly lonely & worry i will never meet the one for me
  
• he’s not in my dreams anymore.
  
• i let a man 30 years older then me put his hand up my skirt while i was driving his convertible. what a thrill!!!
  
• i plan to leave this town before he gets back to show him i am sick of seeing him, knowing i can’t have him.
  
• i have absolutely no friends. i have been alone so long, i think i have forgotten how to make a friend.
  
• i have a gay brother and i love it!!!
  
• they saved my life. i’m grateful for that, but i’m scared to death i’m losing my faith in them.
  
• i resent my family for blaming everything negative in my life on the fact that i was raped as a child. that’s why i’m reluctant to come out to them – i know it will be seen as some defect in me from my sordid past. i couldn’t risk having something that’s such a part of me just dismissed as an emotional issue.
  
• every time i misplace my cell phone i pray that it has been lost for good. i could then disappear.
  
• i’m in love with my best friend and he’s in love with the sex we have. i wonder sometimes if he’ll ever love me…
  
• i don’t smoke. i don’t want to die the same way they all do.
  
• i want to be an exhibitionist! but i’m too shy
  
• my mom has a normal sounding voice but every time i hear it i cringe… no matter how sweet her tone is.
  
• my four year old daughter is my best friend and without her i would have never made it o twenty five.
  
• i blame no one staying on my autism but really i think it’s cause i’m not good enough
  
• i only give second chances to attractive people
  
• i finally told my parents in jan. that my cousin (who they adore) had molested me. this, after i had finally decided to move on after letting it haunt/ruin me for five years. they said it was my fault
  
• i stole my grandpa’s loratabs after he died and sold them to buy cigs and makeup
  
• i am 23 and i recently got dumped from my first real boyfriend. i want to go back to who i was before i met him
  
• i know it’s cliché, but i’m falling for one of my best friends. he has a girlfriend and i have a boyfriend. the worst part is that he told me that he was glad we never dated because we have so much more as friends. i can’t help but be jealous that she gets to kiss him.
  
• i love my best friend, but she doesn’t realize that the drugs will kill her. i’m seriously thinking about making her go to rehab, even if she hates me afterward.
  
• it’s been 2 weeks since i’ve talked to him, it’s the best decision i’ve made in a while. i can finally work on myself instead of a failing relationship
  
• all i needed was for him to give a little of his time and maybe ask how my day was once in a while. i can’t be lonely in this relationship anymore, i’m asking him to move out tonight.
  
• i’m dating a guy who is married w 3 kids. sometimes i'll text his phone when i know he’s sleeping kind of hoping his wife will find out and leave him.
  
• every time i go to church i ask god to give me the strength to not eat.
  
• i haven’t seen or spoken to him in a year and a half. i would still say yes without hesitation if he were to propose today.
  
• when i have a bad day i steal clothes jewelry or makeup to feel better. the worst part is sometimes it works.
  

texts

so textsecret was started in the postsecret blog on myspace and i jumped onto the band wagon. i thought it would help me to receive other people's secrets directly instead of waiting for them to filter through frank first. i thought i would see that i wasn't alone in my secrets and that my secrets were no bigger than anyone else's. i was wrong. i felt overwhelmed. i felt sad. i knew i should respond to some of these with positivity and encouragement but i couldn't because it would be a lie and i thought they would see right through me. well, i'm trying to come to grips still with my sense of hypocrisy. if i sent a reply to you it wasn't a lie. i believe the advice i send is good and sound advice, i just don't follow it myself and don't think that it could ever apply to me. there is a disconnect between the logic of my advice and how my brain works. my brain would be the first to proudly admit to it's hatred of me so it should come as no surprise. anyway, here are the textsecrets i have received. i sent a secret to "always kiss me ♥goodnight♥" and she posted the secrets she received in her blog so i thought i would do the same. if you sent one then please leave a comment even if only to say that one of these is yours. everything is anonymous so no one need know which secret is yours. depending on how many more secrets i get i will post a new list every now and again. if anyone reading this would like to send me a textsecret feel free to do so. my number is

503.809.9705

• i think i will grow up to sleep with any man i'm attracted to purely because i no longer believe in love when the one i love the most broke my heart
• i don't actually think i'm a full lesbian but i don't know how to tell my girlfriend of ten months
  
• we were together 3½ years. i let him cheat on his current girlfriend 'cause i thought he'd leave her for me. she forgave him. i've never felt more alone.
• i'm afraid my bipolar will always control my life, and the fact that i might not be strong enough to cope.
  
• i want to drop out of college and have a baby with a man that is covered in tatts and does coke because underneath it all i'm as trashy as him
• no one besides my family knows that my dad molested me for 8 years.
  
• i realized that i love him after he died. i wish he would come to me in my dreams so i could tell him that and that i'm sorry for not accepting his love.
• i wish my parents would give me my wings and let me learn things on my own. i need to learn by making my own mistakes
  
• i started talking to him online almost 13 years ago and fell in love with everything about him. after all these years we finally met face to face august 2008. he's the most wonderful man i've ever met in my life. i hope everyone reading this will be inspired not to give up on something they truly want
• i'm terrified he'll leave me just as easily as my father did….
  
• the last time i looked at my body was in a dressing room mirror. i mean really looked. i had to cry quietly so no one would hear me.
• i sometimes wish i wasn't so willing to do things for others, because when i do something for myself i feel guilty
  
• i think i'm dying and don't have anyone to talk about it with who won't think i'm crazy.
• the day i told my grandmother it was ok to let go is the day she died. i think i helped her get rid of her pain, but caused my own.
  
• i wish i was skinny or fat – no one likes the in between
• i think i always get the shorter 6 inch half at subway
  
• every night i debate overdosing on my sleeping pills… just so i won't have to live with another day of anxiety.
• i'm about to go on medication for the first time in 3 years and i have never been this scared before in my life.
  
• my father is a pothead. it's the only thing we have in common.
• i'm afraid i'll die be4 i ever get my first kiss because no1 wants 2 kiss an ugly girl.
  
• as a real young child i tried to end my life multiple times. due to what they did to me
• one of these days i'm going to punch my roommate in the face
  
• i'm afraid i will never have kids or get married because i have trust issues…
• after my last disastrous relationship i'm not sure i have the strength or energy to truly love anyone else. i'm not even sure i know how to love someone new. and i've never been more scared.
  
• i didn't find university boring, they kicked me out
• i want to quit baylor. i feel like a fake and more stupid than i've ever felt.
  
• i am finally happy and things are really coming together… and i can't stop getting high. i risk it all everyday.
• 31 scars and an overcome eating disorder later, i'm finally ok with the way i look. but i pretend i'm not because confidence terrifies me.
  
• saying goodbye to you was one of the hardest things i've ever done. and i still hope i'll be able to say 'hello' again someday.
• the best friends i have in my life i met online in harry potter chats.
  
• i worry that i'm too bitter and broken to ever find true love again
• i really, really hate my best friend's wife. every time she talks i just want to scream, "you are a moron!" but… i also love her because she makes him happy. the only other person i have such conflicted feelings about is my mother.
  
• i never felt more ashamed about my body until now. i'm a freshman in high school.
• i prefer sleeping around to dating because i'm afraid of getting hurt if the relationship ends. but i want to settle down and get married so bad!
  
• sometimes i think the age i was supposed to find "the one" passed me by about 7 years ago.
• i'm afraid i'll never be loved again.
  
• i'm 21 and i don't know how to ride a bike… kinda sad huh?
• i don't know how to find someone to love and having a family is the only thing i want.
• sometimes i wonder if i really am bi.
• i quit smoking today! i didn't have one. i think i might be able to do it.