texts

so textsecret was started in the postsecret blog on myspace and i jumped onto the band wagon. i thought it would help me to receive other people's secrets directly instead of waiting for them to filter through frank first. i thought i would see that i wasn't alone in my secrets and that my secrets were no bigger than anyone else's. i was wrong. i felt overwhelmed. i felt sad. i knew i should respond to some of these with positivity and encouragement but i couldn't because it would be a lie and i thought they would see right through me. well, i'm trying to come to grips still with my sense of hypocrisy. if i sent a reply to you it wasn't a lie. i believe the advice i send is good and sound advice, i just don't follow it myself and don't think that it could ever apply to me. there is a disconnect between the logic of my advice and how my brain works. my brain would be the first to proudly admit to it's hatred of me so it should come as no surprise. anyway, here are the textsecrets i have received. i sent a secret to "always kiss me ♥goodnight♥" and she posted the secrets she received in her blog so i thought i would do the same. if you sent one then please leave a comment even if only to say that one of these is yours. everything is anonymous so no one need know which secret is yours. depending on how many more secrets i get i will post a new list every now and again. if anyone reading this would like to send me a textsecret feel free to do so. my number is

503.809.9705

• i think i will grow up to sleep with any man i'm attracted to purely because i no longer believe in love when the one i love the most broke my heart
• i don't actually think i'm a full lesbian but i don't know how to tell my girlfriend of ten months
  
• we were together 3½ years. i let him cheat on his current girlfriend 'cause i thought he'd leave her for me. she forgave him. i've never felt more alone.
• i'm afraid my bipolar will always control my life, and the fact that i might not be strong enough to cope.
  
• i want to drop out of college and have a baby with a man that is covered in tatts and does coke because underneath it all i'm as trashy as him
• no one besides my family knows that my dad molested me for 8 years.
  
• i realized that i love him after he died. i wish he would come to me in my dreams so i could tell him that and that i'm sorry for not accepting his love.
• i wish my parents would give me my wings and let me learn things on my own. i need to learn by making my own mistakes
  
• i started talking to him online almost 13 years ago and fell in love with everything about him. after all these years we finally met face to face august 2008. he's the most wonderful man i've ever met in my life. i hope everyone reading this will be inspired not to give up on something they truly want
• i'm terrified he'll leave me just as easily as my father did….
  
• the last time i looked at my body was in a dressing room mirror. i mean really looked. i had to cry quietly so no one would hear me.
• i sometimes wish i wasn't so willing to do things for others, because when i do something for myself i feel guilty
  
• i think i'm dying and don't have anyone to talk about it with who won't think i'm crazy.
• the day i told my grandmother it was ok to let go is the day she died. i think i helped her get rid of her pain, but caused my own.
  
• i wish i was skinny or fat – no one likes the in between
• i think i always get the shorter 6 inch half at subway
  
• every night i debate overdosing on my sleeping pills… just so i won't have to live with another day of anxiety.
• i'm about to go on medication for the first time in 3 years and i have never been this scared before in my life.
  
• my father is a pothead. it's the only thing we have in common.
• i'm afraid i'll die be4 i ever get my first kiss because no1 wants 2 kiss an ugly girl.
  
• as a real young child i tried to end my life multiple times. due to what they did to me
• one of these days i'm going to punch my roommate in the face
  
• i'm afraid i will never have kids or get married because i have trust issues…
• after my last disastrous relationship i'm not sure i have the strength or energy to truly love anyone else. i'm not even sure i know how to love someone new. and i've never been more scared.
  
• i didn't find university boring, they kicked me out
• i want to quit baylor. i feel like a fake and more stupid than i've ever felt.
  
• i am finally happy and things are really coming together… and i can't stop getting high. i risk it all everyday.
• 31 scars and an overcome eating disorder later, i'm finally ok with the way i look. but i pretend i'm not because confidence terrifies me.
  
• saying goodbye to you was one of the hardest things i've ever done. and i still hope i'll be able to say 'hello' again someday.
• the best friends i have in my life i met online in harry potter chats.
  
• i worry that i'm too bitter and broken to ever find true love again
• i really, really hate my best friend's wife. every time she talks i just want to scream, "you are a moron!" but… i also love her because she makes him happy. the only other person i have such conflicted feelings about is my mother.
  
• i never felt more ashamed about my body until now. i'm a freshman in high school.
• i prefer sleeping around to dating because i'm afraid of getting hurt if the relationship ends. but i want to settle down and get married so bad!
  
• sometimes i think the age i was supposed to find "the one" passed me by about 7 years ago.
• i'm afraid i'll never be loved again.
  
• i'm 21 and i don't know how to ride a bike… kinda sad huh?
• i don't know how to find someone to love and having a family is the only thing i want.
• sometimes i wonder if i really am bi.
• i quit smoking today! i didn't have one. i think i might be able to do it.