textsecret

• i hate looking for a job. it is the most irritating thing that i have ever had to do.
• i’m gay.
• i just want to hold your hand. snuggle close on your couch. you feel like home to me. we’re perfect together, i just wish you could see that. i wish i could tell you. / no one knows how much i masturbate. at least once a day i read lesbian erotica and masturbate, no matter where i am. i’m a girl and i think i’m straight. / i’m not dying. i just told them that so they want me in their lives more. it’s just another excuse to push everyone away so i never have to get too close.
• i’m slowly pushing everyone who means something to me away so when i leave no one will hurt as much as i do.
• i told everyone i got over my best friend a month ago but as i was driving him home today i looked in his eyes and wondered if i made any progress at all. at the time i thought it was the truth but now i’m not sure. i would be his if he asked and i’m so ashamed. i can’t afford to lose him because of this all over again.
• i want to be back in your life but obviously you don’t want to be back in mine. i wish things were different. i love you. i never stopped. i’m sorry i pushed you away. / i’ve decided i’m done caring. caring only gets you hurt and i’m sick of being hurt.
• you’re assuming that what i haven’t told you yet is that i love you but what you don’t know is that i’m bi and very much in love with you.
• he shaves his ass. he is gross. / her unibrow could seriously use some plucking. i guess she thinks it matches her mustache.
• i’m beginning to think that love is just not in the cards for me and some days i’m really ok with that.
• i’m getting married! this is the happiest i’ve been since my son was born. i don’t plan on telling anyone yet. / ha! he wants me to stop smoking? when he stops looking at porn i will stop smoking. like he will ever stop.
• i’m a sophomore in high school and an uncontrollable nymphomaniac. i couldn’t be happier.
• this is so difficult. i can’t tell if i’m keeping him close or pushing him away. i can’t lose my best friend. / there’s this kid, only two of my friends know i like him. i’m really hoping he will ask me to prom. i know he probably already has a date. this sucks. i wanna ask. / this is the proudest i have been of myself in a long time. now i just have to move on to my next goal.
• i can’t wait for you to move away so i can be a better person.
• i can’t look my boyfriend in the face because the only person i see when i do is you.
• i’m not beautiful. it’s ok for you to say so. i’d rather have you say i’m not then lie to my face and make fun of people who look like me. stop saying i’m beautiful.
• i know who i am, i am your’s.
• to the text about dr. frank-n-furter, you’re not alone. i find him sexy too.
• i’m so happy i’m with you now but despite what you tell me i sometimes question if you really feel the same.
• i met someone new but i don’t feel the same connection i did with my ex. i’m afraid i might just be using him so i don’t feel so alone anymore.
• i have decided that if things don’t get better for me by the time i think of a good suicide note i will do it. i’ve got it all planned except the note.
• i never win.
• i’ve been anorexic for two years. i’ve been getting better. the love of my life made a comment yesterday about my curves. i’ve shoved my finger down my throat five times since then.
• my mother always brags about how good a driver i am but the truth is i’m fucking terrible and can’t remember any of the rules. if she knew i would never drive again.
• she didn’t see craig owens.
• i just want someone to tell me everything is going to be ok.
• you’re my best friend but right now you’re being a whore. p.s. stop with the dumb act attention whore doesn’t look good on you.
• every time i pee it makes me think of the mythbusters episode with peeing on the third rail and how they never tested if real pee streams stay together.
• i’m afraid that the only reason i’m still with you is to prove her wrong. you may love me but i think i’m only attached. i’m sorry. i’ll wait for you to leave.
• i hope he realizes that i will always love him more than i could ever love myself.

textsecret

• flectere si nequeo superos, acharaeronta move bo.
• my insides haven’t been hurting for a while now. i kind of miss the pain.
• truth is i don’t want to share any of it. i wanna save it all for myself and get a feeling like no other. / i wish i could tell him that i know about her and i just wish he would know that it’s tearing me apart even if i don’t show it. / sometimes i just want my secrets everywhere, shout them out to the world, let everyone know the real me, tell my best. but i’m too afraid of being judged again. / i wish i was as happy as everyone believes.
• i used to fantasize about dr. frank-n-furter, from ‘rocky horror’, and myself. i think his fishnets and his corset are sexy.
• i’ve had sex with my father in the same room as we were.
• everyone around me is starting to hate me. they don’t know i’m doing this on purpose so they won’t miss me when i’m gone.
• i am in love. i know my dad. i hate wow. i’m adopted. i don’t get hurt a lot. i am a liar. i know that. too bad no one else does.
• i think i’m in love with my best friend. i was having sex with my fwb and i was thinking about my best friend the whole time. but my bestie is gay. what do i do? / i’m afraid you’ve left too many times for us to be ok again.
• i wish we were close enough to ask you why. maybe someday?
• a psychic told my mom that in the month of march i’ll start to see that i’m pretty much over him. so why do i have this nagging feeling that he’s cheating on me?
• i killed myself on february 5 but they revived me. now, every fifth day of a new month, i’m sure i will have that craving to finally be free, again.
• i would give anything to marry him right now. i hate being underage.
• the more we talk the more i want you back in my life forever. / how come every guy in the world can see me but he can’t?
• i was never really alive. / i know i’m getting fat because when the bus went down bumpy roads my thighs jiggled too.
• when i read, ‘a relationship is two people equally needing each other’, i instantly become afraid that i might be needing my girlfriend more than she needs me.
• i really want to develop an eating disorder so i can be skinny for once.
• sometimes i wish you would really just drop dead. you were my all at one point and look at it now you sold me out with your new fake attitude and your new fake life. i know you miss me so stop fighting it and let go. you’ll never know how much i hate but how much i care for you.
• i can’t stand my best friend’s parents. every time i see them i want to tell them what assholes they are to her, but i never do.
• it has been over two years but i still love him more and more everyday. i never expected this but it is more than welcome.
• i kinda wish sexual orientation was contagious.
• she thinks spandex count as underwear. she’s disgusting.
• i wish pokemon were real.
• he would love me if my name were mary jane – i hope he quits smoking and maybe be my best friend again, not a memory.
• he’s ok with my other boyfriend as long as we don’t go beyond making out. we already have. i’ve wanted him since high school and i wasn’t missing my chance. / i love my eating disorder. / i’m taking my boyfriend’s deployment as an opportunity to dive more completely into my eating disorder.
• i’m falling in love with someone i never met but i talk to her all day everyday.
• i hate it when she hugs him in front of me because she knows i like him and it’s really annoying and i can’t stand it.
• everybody sees it as a bad thing but him cheating showed me he cared. not because i cried countless nights to sleep from being torn into pieces or because every part in my body aches like there’s no tomorrow whenever i think about it but because of what he did afterwards to change, for me.
• writing is the only thing i can count on anymore. it’s what keeps me from killing myself. i wish i could do this for a living.

last week i asked you to answer the question, "what is your armor?". here are your responses:

• my 18 month old keeps me strong and reminds me to always pull forward no matter what. he keeps me going. he is my armor.
• my armor is my brick wall. i sometimes feel like pink floyd. i’m so scared i will close myself off with no way to escape.
• being a slut. nobody can have a real emotional attachment to me if all they see is a slut. nobody can get in; no one can hurt me (nobody but me).
• nonchalance is my armor. if i say something casually as though it doesn’t matter to me it won’t. right? anyone too perceptive of this terrifies me.
• being stoned in school helps me to ignore how bitchy my friends are. i just smile and imagine hitting them.
• misdirection and avoidance. i just keep changing the subject until they all get tired of waiting or forget what we were talking about.
• my parent’s love for me is my armor. i know that they are forever accepting me. i love them so much.
• my armor is the fake smile i’ve spent the last six years perfecting so people can’t tell when something is wrong.
• i am 60lbs overweight. this way people don’t really see me and i can continue to be alone, which is all i want since the divorce.
• my armor is the happy facade i hide behind most days. but more than that, my armor is my hetero life mate.
• i’m my own armor. self obsessed? not at all. i only wake up every morning and tell myself i’m good enough and strong enough because no one else will do it for me.
• my armor is knowing that i am finally with a guy who loves me. all of me and nothing more than me. she said i always look happy. this is the reason.
• my smile and personality. i use it to not only keep people from asking questions but to help myself ignore what’s really going on inside my head.
• my words and my boyfriend. they both protect me from the world but let me shine and have the world shine back.
• my armor is my apathy towards everything.
• my armor is a mask. every person in the world sees a different me.

and here are this week's secrets. as always, thank you for sharing.

• why can’t he be real with me like he is with everyone else? it’s like he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me. i don’t know why i bother.
• i don’t know my best friends anymore and that scares the hell out of me.
• we made a pinky pact to be best friends forever. now we’re drifting apart and it kills me. i hope he reads this and realizes that i’m still alive because if not who else will laugh at the word ‘chowder’ with me?
• i’m texting you instead of him. i miss him. i love him. he thinks he loves her just so he won’t let himself love me.
• my dad deploys to iraq soon. i’m kind of excited because i know i can take advantage of my mom the whole year.
• i would love to see my ex and have sex with him. even if he is an asshole he is so fucking attractive!
• out of the friends i’ve lost, i miss my online friends more than my real friends because they were my escape from the harsh world. they were there.
• i have gained a few pounds the last few months. i take it as a personal insult and sign of disgust at my current body that my boyfriend doesn’t like to having sex.
• i forced myself to puke again for the first time in a year. i’ve also been watching how many calories are in the food i eat and limiting how many. today i ate 610.
• i just don’t know anymore.
• today i almost killed myself by downing a bottle of pills. what stopped me was one of my friends texting me saying, “you mean the world to me. if anything happened to you, i don’t know what i’d do with myself. i hope you have a better day.” she saved my life and for that i am so grateful.
• i hope upon hope that this change of scenery is something that can be finally right for me.
• she has no friends and i wish she would realize it.
• i’m tired of trying to win your love. i’m tired of doing so much for you and giving so much up for you only to be let down again and again. i’m through.
• marriage is a scary thing to talk about but when i talk about it with her it feels natural and right (i’m a girl).
• i’m falling for someone i met online. i’m scared to meet her because i don't want to find out she isn't as amazing as i thought.
• i'm ready to leave him. but if he would just kiss me, the way he used to, i think i might reconsider.
• i’ll be 20 this year. i’ve never had a boyfriend nor have i been kissed. you’ll be 26 this year and you have a long distance girlfriend. i would give anything to for you to kiss me and it makes me feel like such a horrible person. i just wish you would stop confiding in me about you girlfriend now that you’ve told me she existed. i know you’re lying about your age and various other things but i’m so depressed about the other situation that i don’t even care and it is so pathetic.
• the silence is so loud when you are alone.
• a new school and 200 miles separates us but nothing armors my dreams from your face.
• …is what is keeping me from fully enjoying what you feel for me. i wish i could relate to love songs without calling myself stupid after each thought.
• i will never be loved. i cry myself to sleep. i just want someone to care about me again and love me. i know i’m needy but i miss it terribly and i want to be loved.
• so i fall in like with this guy and all he ends up doing is choosing her over me.
• our friends are right; we would be so cute, we’re perfect for each other. you think it’s a coincidence you stumbled back into my life?
• i had a dream about us finally being together. it seemed so real i didn’t want to wake up.
• i’m so scared that my mind dysphasia has turned into cervical cancer but i can’t even tell my boyfriend how i feel. i’m 17; i shouldn’t be scared of having cancer.
• now that we’re not together it hurts to watch "jon & kate + 8" because when i do i remember you saying, “that’s what our kids will look like someday”.
• he doesn’t feel like my dad anymore.
• my little sister has started wearing wristbands now like me. i hope she’s not cutting like me.
• i met a new guy! oh, and you’re boring and no fun. i feel so free without you!
• i feel sick and tired of him and i am fed up with his crap. i feel like he only talks to me and hangs out with me to get in my pants. why can’t i get over him?
• i can’t wait to get out of this town but i am terrified of college.
• i am truly against abortions and i give the people i know who have had one shit for it. but if i got pregnant right now i would probably get one and that breaks my heart.
• i’m sick of everyone comparing me to my best friend. i’m sick of the fact that no matter what i do everyone loves her and i get nothing. anyone i talk to, it’s always about her.
• sleeping with my head on your shoulder is about as close as i get to feeling whole. thank you.
• today i got accepted into my first choice college. i’ll be moving and i’ll finally have a fresh start. i can finally leave you and what you did to me behind. it’s a liberating feeling.

i'm going to attempt another theme week. the last went over so well that i'm keeping my fingers crossed that this will work again. i will also publish any secrets sent to me, just as i did last time. for this week's theme, answer this question:

...what is your armor?

i will not elaborate on the question, so please do not ask. i will only publish one answer per phone number and the answer must fit into the space of a single text (160 characters or less). i'm excited to hear back from you.

please tell your friends about this blog and encourage them to join the conversation.

as always, thank you for sharing. here's this week's secrets:

• i wish i had died instead of my mom. since my parents died i haven't felt alive.
• i love you. i don’t know how i'm going to live without you. i’m going back over to iraq as a contractor. my only hope is to be killed so i don’t have to deal with pain anymore. so you get your wish that your completely rid of me. i'm sorry i’ve hurt you so bad. i love you.
• every night i fear that somebody will tell the authorities about him but none of it ever even happened.
• i love him but i’m too afraid to tell him. it’ll kill me if he doesn’t say it back. that’s my biggest fear right now.
• you make me so happy.
• we’ve been sneaking around for over a year. i’m in love with my daughter’s husband and i’m scared she and my wife will find out.
• my sister taught me everything i know about sex.
• i heard you broke up. do you think we have a chance to be friends again?
• i miss you. all my friends are right. we would end up being together if you were here but i would want it that way. you made me really happy.
• whenever i hear, "if i was your vampire", i still think of that night, in the tent, when everything felt perfect.
• i’m in love with my best friend. weed brought us together. you’re getting distant but i’m still addicted to both of you.
• i hate living at home. i want to move out.
• i hate not knowing who my true friends are but i guess not really knowing is part of life.
• i’ve never felt more hopeless than i do right now yet people marvel at how strong and happy i am.
• i sit in the front of my english class so my teacher can look up my skirt.
  
• nothing hurts me more than to hear my mom say she has no regrets after having an affair. dad was the best thing to happen to her. i guess that was only temporary.
• just when i was doing my fucking best, that’s when i see you; plus wife, plus kid.
• one time when i was at my girlfriend’s house her dog kept jumping on me so i “spartan kicked” it.
• i go to confession without panties and touch myself while the priest is talking.
• i can see the good in everybody but myself.
• i secretly hope his girlfriend is pregnant so he will have to tell his boyfriend about her. i’m tired of being the only one who knows the truth, especially when he thinks he’s getting away with lying to me. i know the truth and because i know the truth we’re growing apart as best friends. i hate the lies. / every time i’m having a bad day or i’m kind of down my favorite band comes on the radio. i like to think of the coincidence as if someone is watching over me and knows that it will make me feel better. it wouldn’t be so random if they were a popular band but since they are new to the mainstream, i like to think they’re played just for me.
• i dated a guy i knew would cheat on me because he was so attractive he made me feel hot just being next to him. when i found out he cheated, i had sex with his best friend to get back at him. his friend was a lot better! / i love being your friend but i’m so glad we went to different schools being with you is so emotionally draining that i want to cry whenever i come home from hanging with you.
• we’re getting so good at making excuses for our latest mistakes.
• after ordering pizza for only myself, i yell, “pizza’s here!” so the delivery guy doesn’t think i’m eating alone.
• i’m glad you’re back in my life. even though you completely crushed me when you left before i still love you and praying you make this time worth all of the pain from before.
• i was so nervous on my wedding day i was sweating bullets. not even a valium helped. i didn’t think anything would help until my fiance’s mom took me aside and gave me head. i had a clam smile on the rest of the day.
• after a year and a half of hell, you’d think i’d run from him. but in all honesty, more than anything, i’m terrified he’ll abandon me.
• you are successfully pushing me away. i love you and would do anything to for you but you just won’t let me. i don’t know what else to do. it hurts me so much to have to walk away.
• i can’t wait until summer and my son is home from college so i can watch he and his hot friends play around the pool!
• i desperately want to meet new people, however, i don’t put any effort into it.
• i’m seeing an old flame but i still feel crippled with commitment because of my ex. i don’t think i’m ready for this.
• i wish i could see that little kid again and let his mother know that his smile and “hi” made my day.
• i hate that everyone i know compares me to my best friend and how they tell me i should be more like her.
• i take my mother’s xanax pills.
• my sister and i masturbate together.
• i think i found a way to make it all better but i might be afraid to go after it.
• she’s right next to me and i’ve never missed her more.
• i’m glad you and your boyfriend broke up. it was an unhealthy relationship. hopefully now you can get better and stop cutting.
• i have secrets that i try to hide even from myself.
• i wish he wanted me the way he wanted her.
• you’re a selfish, dumb, inconsiderate brat! there, i said it.
• i had sex with the limo driver and his friend before picking up my boyfriend before prom.
• i almost gave up on christian guys until i met you. thanks for giving me hope that there are decent guys out there.
• my mother’s cackling laugh stirs so much anger in me that i want to hit her. i’m not a violent person.
• i have a crush on the boy my best friend is in love with.
• so i met this guy and i like him but i have a boyfriend. i feel so damned guilty because of the fact that i was so hurt when he liked someone.
• i love my girlfriend but i want this guy to fuck me. problem is that i’m so afraid of the affects of sperm that i can’t do it. it scares me. also, i don’t want to leave her.
• i was inspired by a secret so i asked my fiance for a puppy and i haven’t been happier!
• i wish i could be that girl in those love songs i hear.
• honestly i don’t know why i try. i feel so weak and pathetic. i’ve never had a normal relationship. am i trying enough? is it normal to feel this way?
• it’s been over a year since i was in the hospital last time. i still want to kill myself. it never gets better.

textsecret

here are this week's secrets. as always, thank you all for sharing.

• sometimes i wish my boyfriend would dress more like his best friend but a big part of me wants him to never change.
• i dress up. not for important meetings or projects, but rather to feel good about myself.
• i feel like there is no reason to be here but talking to you gives me a reason to stay. thanks.
• i developed my career and finished college at 19. i love what i do and i make good money but i feel stuck. i’m not happy where i am and i’m too settled to do anything drastic. i’m 23 now.
• i hate feeling vulnerable.
• i don’t feel good enough to be on frank’s site. i’ve never mailed in a secret for fear of rejection and i also felt my boyfriend deserved them more. but i have sent multiple e-mails in hope they would appear under the secrets. if one did that would be a sign to me that he cares and i would have mailed in some secrets. lately i’ve had a feeling of not being good enough and now the thing that has always been there for me is letting me down. i think i just want some proof that he reads them all too.
• i really wanna be with you.
• i have no respect for my parents but i live at home because i can’t afford to be on my own. i wish every day that i had the money to leave and never come back.
• every night i charge my phone hoping that you’ll call. i can’t tell anybody though, i’m too proud to let anyone know of your power over me.
• i’m eating more than i have been for months. i feel like i’m overeating. no matter how much i eat i still feel empty. i want my control back.
• you hurt me for the last time, i’m through with you. thank god i have friends that love me.
• the people i fear the most are dentists because they inflict more emotional and physical pain than anybody else. that’s saying a lot from an abused person.
• i know he’s just using me because i know him perfectly. he’s my best friend and i can’t bear to lose him. at least i’m using him too. loneliness is a burden.
• i don’t have the heart to tell him.
• i pooped my pants in the fourth grade.
• lately i’ve been feeling so uncomfortable, lonely, scared, strange and, worst of all, like i’m not supposed to be here. why can’t i ever just feel alive and well?
• i’m sorry but you are the one who made a huge mistake, not me!
• you’ve got nothing to worry about. the guy i liked for 3 years, the one who liked me back, switched schools today. you, not him, are amazing. i love you!
• i’m giving up facebook-stalking my ex-friend. i don’t have the will to tell anyone but i wanted to get it in writing somewhere so i’m obliged to keep my word.
• i only listen to ‘escape the fate’ because it reminds me of her. i still remember that amazing night every day.
• i want to scream, jump up and down, collapse, and cry. does nobody see the pain i’m going through? all for a man who thinks he loves me. i’m risking it all for him.
• i’ve been having sex with my gym teacher in her office during lunch since the new semester started.
• we never fought before. i’m doubting everything. i hate it.
• today i found out a person i knew hung himself. i didn’t know him that well but i will miss him.
• i secretly wish she would turn on you. you don’t deserve anyone to be with you.
• everything is my fault, i know, but i won’t admit it. especially to them. they don’t deserve the satisfaction.
• i hate coming in second place to video games in my boyfriend’s heart. it hurts a lot.
• i’m sitting in class right now thinking of you and wishing that everything would just fall into place like it does in the movies.
• i’m terrified of what my future will look like.
• i’m almost 15 and i’m considering having sex. i wanted to wait until i was 18 but i feel like i’m ready. i just wish i could figure out what i really want.
• i honestly hate my family.
• i say that i’m done with him but truthfully i want nothing more than to be with him. he hurt me so many times, i don’t know why i’m dying to be with him.
• i let my brother take my virginity last night. it was better than i imagined.
• i get so jealous when he talks to other girls, i can’t help but feel alone. it can take me from being in a wonderful mood to wanting to curl up in a ball.
• i love it when you hug me. those are the only real hugs i get and you’ve got no idea how much i need you.
• i wish i could know if you’re hurting. at least then i wouldn’t regret wasting my time on such a cold-hearted, two-faced bitch as a friend. i deserve an apology from you for fucking me over. i know you won’t ever admit that you’re wrong or sorry. no matter how many people walk away from you, you’ll always play the victim. i feel bad for you.
• for the first time in a long time i feel pretty.
• my name always has meaning when she says it.
• i send texts to my girlfriend while watching hardcore asian porn. if she asks to call I say i’m on the treadmill.
• the person whom i’ve known all my life, my best friend, is starting to annoy the hell out of me.
• to keep from cutting the last few depressing days i’ve let my puppy bite me as hard as she wants so nobody knows i harmed myself again.
• my worst fear is that i won’t make it out of here alive. and that is my greatest wish.
• i want him but he wants her.
• i love the taste and feel of cum! i want it all over me!
• i’m 15 and have recently been drinking heavily and love it because for the first time i feel like i’ve found a place with no worries.
• i work at a grocery store in a very wealthy neighborhood. whenever a customer is being really difficult i slip a $1 donation into their order for the charity of the month. they rarely notice and if they do they never have the heart to tell me to void off the charity contribution. i feel like robin hood.
• some days i wish i could trade places with another person just to know how they see the world. if they maybe see it better than i do.
• i wish someone would ask me to prom in the cute way he’s planning on asking you. too bad you’re going to say no. you don’t know what you’re missing.
• why is everyone so interested in her? i don’t get it. everyone tells me she’s not attractive and she has no personality yet every guy seems to flock to her. why?
• why can’t i do this?
• it’s been four months. i’ve been taking my meds and have pretty much decided against taking my life and i am finally beginning to feel happy again.
• she was right. it’s a good thing i fell for him. accepting that and telling him was the best decision i’ve ever made.