16.2.09

textsecret

  • sometimes i feel as if i don't have a purpose here. if i just disappeared one day, no one would miss me.
  • i’m still in love with my high school sweetheart. he will never know it even though i still see him every day and call him regularly
  • i only have sex with him because i feel guilty for not loving him.
  • drugs have been more fulfilling in my life than anything else.
  • i’m so afraid that i don’t know what to do. my whole life depends on the outcome of these next several months and i just know i’m going to fuck them up.
  • she said he would look good with that tattoo on his neck. she doesn’t know its meaning. she doesn’t know he’s mine. and she damn sure doesn’t know i will beat [end of text]
  • it’s gotten to the point where i can’t even look at myself in the mirror without being disgusted.
  • i overdosed and was in a coma for three days. i pretend i’m all better now but i wish i hadn’t been found when i was or that i would have succeeded.
  • i’m a lot more jealous than i let on most days. i also hate your boyfriend more then i tend to tell you.
  • i don’t want to be the girl who feeds his ego. i want to be the girl who stirs his soul.
  • i wish for once i wasn’t the best friend who you could always rely on, always trust, but never think about. i hate how i’m cute only when they’re wasted.
  • i was unfaithful last weekend for the first time in my life. i don’t feel guilty and i wonder what that makes me.
  • i kinda want to tell her i slept with her boyfriend because he ignores me now.
  • i love my friends and i hope someday they can forgive me.
  • while i’m addicted to both, i’m far more addicted to him than i am to oxycontin. my life would be better if i quit both but i don’t think i can handle losing him and i don’t know if i can quit oxy while i’m still around him.
  • when we played the heart game at school today he gave me his paper heart. he could’ve given it to his crush or the girl he’s fucking. instead he gave it to his best friend. i couldn’t have been happier.
  • i know i will never fully get over it. i’m afraid it will ruin other relationships.
  • when i tell someone that my life sucks and they tell me it’s better than the alternative i want to prove them wrong.
  • i feel like all i’ll ever be good for is sex. i don’t deserve to be loved.
  • my work here is done and i’m erasing my existence.
  • whenever I eat food in the car i think of how humiliating it would be to be found in a wreck with cheddar bacon fries all of my face.
  • i’m afraid this relationship is nothing but college freshman love and it will end sooner than expected.
  • i love my girlfriend so much. i think i would start cutting again if she ever left me but i keep fucking up. i’m surprised she hasn’t left yet.
  • one year ago today i had the worst day of my life and six months ago i had the best day. too bad both of those have turned out badly and the people involved want nothing more to do with me and i have no one left.
  • there is a lady sitting across from me on the bus and she hasn’t stopped smiling. i’m jealous.
  • my fiancee died two years ago. i moved 2000 miles away. no one here knows. a woman i’m interested in wants to get drinks tonight. this sucks.
  • i hope you’re not jealous. after all, i want to make out with you just as much. you are so gorgeous how could anyone not want to?
  • i’m so insecure i make germophobes feel better about themselves.
  • for the first time in more than three years i didn’t wear makeup today and i felt beautiful. i finally have godly beauty and not worldly.
  • i’m afraid i can only be happy when i use people for their bodies.
  • i keep telling my friend that i’m going to be fine but quite honestly i don’t think i will be. i’m pretty sure i’m going to die.
  • i want to walk away from it all. just take my kids and live in a mountain cabin and live off of the land. i hate where i am in my life. if it weren’t for my kids i know i’d be dead.
  • sometimes i just sit and wonder why any of us are here. we certainly aren’t getting anything done. maybe we’re just waiting to die. then i remember her and i know.
  • i sometimes wish i was allergic to bees so i would have a good reason to be afraid of them.
  • yeah, he was going to visit me at college but you finally caught on. i thought he loved me more. i was wrong.
  • i cheated on my husband with his best friend. she’s beautiful!
  • i had sex with men three times my age for money to be able to buy a textbook. now i have the ability to disassociate my mind from my body and i’ve developed a second person of me named michelle.
  • i cling to being not ok because happiness scares the daylights out of me.
  • i think i’m in love with the boy i’m dating who is eleven years younger than me and i keep hoping a condom will break so i can get pregnant and can keep him.
  • i think it’s funny when you talk about something that you think you know all about and i prove you wrong.
  • i may have finally met a nice guy and i’m scared shitless.
  • i feel like the man of my dreams doesn’t exist, yet i know i’m only seventeen.
  • i look up at the night sky wondering if the person i’m supposed to be with is looking up as well thinking the exact same thing.
  • just please, leave my whole heart.
  • he wonders what he did wrong for me to want to not date him. the truth is, he’s the only guy i wanted to fuck and i don’t want to loose my virginity as a teenager.
  • people always tell me how beautiful i am and that i should be a model. so why do i feel fat when i’m 6’ tall and 155 pounds and definitely not fat? i hate it.
  • i lost my best friend to weekend parties.
  • i would give anything to look like my best friend.
  • i sent you the anonymous rose. i hope you liked it.
  • i wished i was pregnant just so he would stay in my life when i really need him. just so i won’t be so alone through all of this. so i’d have a reason to live.
  • he’s happy. i’m not. he’s got everything going for him. i have no one. he used to want me. he used to care. not anymore. i’m nothing but his past. i’m nothing to him.
  • you want me to sing my songs to you and i want to but i fear the only reason you like the stupid cute things i do for you is because you love the idea of me.
  • i had no hope until i found love. it’s the most amazing feeling in the world.
  • thank you for making me the luckiest girl ever.
  • i told my mom that pack of cigarettes belonged to a friend and i was just holding them for her so she could quit. i lied. they’re mine.
  • i just wrote you a letter listing all of the reasons i don’t want to be with you anymore after four years. happy valentine’s day.
  • i haven’t pooped in five weeks.
  • even though it isn’t a sexual thing at all, it feels so good to have my physical therapist’s hands on my back that i want to cry.

13 comments:

Kate said...

After five years of being married to him, this past Valentine's Day, when I found out I was pregnant with his child, he finally told me how truly beautiful I was inside out.

Anonymous said...

i sent the text about he guy with the tattoo on his neck. the whole text actually read
"she said he would look good without the big tattoo on his neck, she doesnt know its meaning. she doesnt know hes mine. and she damn sure doesnt know i will beat the shit out of her if she keeps talking about him. momma said love thy neighbor, but this bitch is entering my territory."

Anonymous said...

so just forget about 'love thy neighbor then'? good christian values....

Anonymous said...

my boyfriend wants me to quit smoking im doing it. but im seriouslt thinking about buying a pack and hiding it from him. i hate not smoking anymore.

Anonymous said...

i sent you the anonymous rose. i hope you liked it.


im still too scared to talk to her. =/

Anonymous said...

i can't believe i'm still waiting for you, it's been so long and i haven't even come close to getting into your mind. i love you kiddo.

Anonymous said...

To all those that are wanting to be pregnant to keep someone. It doesnt' work that way. So please for the sake of the child, don't go and get pregnant just to keep someone. It's not how it should be and the child will be the one to suffer, no you, not the other person, the child.

Also the person who wrote this even though it isn’t a sexual thing at all, it feels so good to have my physical therapist’s hands on my back that i want to cry.

The reason you want to cry is b/c I'm betting you have so much built up, that when you are being touched, the pressure points that hold those feelings are being released, go ahead and cry. I'm sure you're not the only one who's felt that way.

Anonymous said...

the reason i want to cry is because pt is the only time someone else touches me...

Anonymous said...

i lied.
he did hurt me.

chibi said...

um, no...

there will be no posting numbers in these comments...

thank you

Elise said...

To the girl whose boyfriend wants her to quit smoking...
It's worth it in the end, I promise.

My boyfriend smoked for 6 years... 2 packs a day...
When we started dating, I told him that if he didn't quit, we couldn't be together... I mean, who wants to kiss an ash tray?

If you love your boyfriend, you'll quit and you won't hide it from him.

Anonymous said...

What number do I text to?

Dulcinea said...

Chibi-Why won't MySpace link to your page anymore?