23.3.09

textsecret

  • flectere si nequeo superos, acharaeronta move bo.
  • my insides haven’t been hurting for a while now. i kind of miss the pain.
  • truth is i don’t want to share any of it. i wanna save it all for myself and get a feeling like no other. / i wish i could tell him that i know about her and i just wish he would know that it’s tearing me apart even if i don’t show it. / sometimes i just want my secrets everywhere, shout them out to the world, let everyone know the real me, tell my best. but i’m too afraid of being judged again. / i wish i was as happy as everyone believes.
  • i used to fantasize about dr. frank-n-furter, from ‘rocky horror’, and myself. i think his fishnets and his corset are sexy.
  • i’ve had sex with my father in the same room as we were.
  • everyone around me is starting to hate me. they don’t know i’m doing this on purpose so they won’t miss me when i’m gone.
  • i am in love. i know my dad. i hate wow. i’m adopted. i don’t get hurt a lot. i am a liar. i know that. too bad no one else does.
  • i think i’m in love with my best friend. i was having sex with my fwb and i was thinking about my best friend the whole time. but my bestie is gay. what do i do? / i’m afraid you’ve left too many times for us to be ok again.
  • i wish we were close enough to ask you why. maybe someday?
  • a psychic told my mom that in the month of march i’ll start to see that i’m pretty much over him. so why do i have this nagging feeling that he’s cheating on me?
  • i killed myself on february 5 but they revived me. now, every fifth day of a new month, i’m sure i will have that craving to finally be free, again.
  • i would give anything to marry him right now. i hate being underage.
  • the more we talk the more i want you back in my life forever. / how come every guy in the world can see me but he can’t?
  • i was never really alive. / i know i’m getting fat because when the bus went down bumpy roads my thighs jiggled too.
  • when i read, ‘a relationship is two people equally needing each other’, i instantly become afraid that i might be needing my girlfriend more than she needs me.
  • i really want to develop an eating disorder so i can be skinny for once.
  • sometimes i wish you would really just drop dead. you were my all at one point and look at it now you sold me out with your new fake attitude and your new fake life. i know you miss me so stop fighting it and let go. you’ll never know how much i hate but how much i care for you.
  • i can’t stand my best friend’s parents. every time i see them i want to tell them what assholes they are to her, but i never do.
  • it has been over two years but i still love him more and more everyday. i never expected this but it is more than welcome.
  • i kinda wish sexual orientation was contagious.
  • she thinks spandex count as underwear. she’s disgusting.
  • i wish pokemon were real.
  • he would love me if my name were mary jane – i hope he quits smoking and maybe be my best friend again, not a memory.
  • he’s ok with my other boyfriend as long as we don’t go beyond making out. we already have. i’ve wanted him since high school and i wasn’t missing my chance. / i love my eating disorder. / i’m taking my boyfriend’s deployment as an opportunity to dive more completely into my eating disorder.
  • i’m falling in love with someone i never met but i talk to her all day everyday.
  • i hate it when she hugs him in front of me because she knows i like him and it’s really annoying and i can’t stand it.
  • everybody sees it as a bad thing but him cheating showed me he cared. not because i cried countless nights to sleep from being torn into pieces or because every part in my body aches like there’s no tomorrow whenever i think about it but because of what he did afterwards to change, for me.
  • writing is the only thing i can count on anymore. it’s what keeps me from killing myself. i wish i could do this for a living.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

to the commenter about the cheating, my boyfriend broke up with me without knowing i had cheated. he broke up with me hours after it happened then found out later. i made a lot of enemies from him and his friends because i was the scum of the earth. however, i have changed my life because of it. i had forgotten who i was. now i have the freedom to redefine my life and be everything i have always wanted to be. its awesome. i wish he could see that it didnt mean anything, but he wont open his eyes. even though i lost possible love i found me again. good and evil worked together for the better this time, but it wont ever happen again.

Anonymous said...

...
mmmm she's beautiful.

Anonymous said...

i long to meet people and help people. even if i don't know them. i'm thinking that psychiatry is what i want to get into :)

having friends makes me happy - i crave the attention. i guess its kind of bad though,,?

Anonymous said...

"i think i’m in love with my best friend. i was having sex with my fwb and i was thinking about my best friend the whole time. but my bestie is gay. what do i do?"

i have had a lot of feelings towards my best (gay) friend too. it's worse because i have a boyfriend...and i love him too!

Anonymous said...

do you think it's possible to be in love, I mean - deeply in love... with two people at the same time?

Anonymous said...

love doesn't exist. just lust. it doesn't last. it doesn't mean anything

Anonymous said...

love does exist.
lust is only when you want someone.
like, if you want sex from them.
but love is when you really and truly care for someone.

Anonymous said...

do you think it's possible to be in love, I mean - deeply in love... with two people at the same time?



oh believe me its so possible. choosing between them will be one of the hardest things you have ever done.

and love does exist. lust can be mistaken for love but to love someone. truelly love them. is a remarkable thing

Anonymous said...

nobody truly loves anyone but themself. romantic love doesn't exist. what passes for it are feelings focused on getting what you want from another person. even if it might exist, what's the point?

Anonymous said...

i love him..how do i know?
i'd do absolutely anything for him,i'd put him before myself even though i promised myself i never would, nothing about him puts me off, i love every imperfection of his, and he just makes me smile, even when i'm upset with him im smiling underneath.
i could happily spend every second with him and never feel like its enough,

thats love :)

Anonymous said...

I enjoy and appreciate all of the replies. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

i love you so much, i never want to let you go, ever. but forever's impossible and i'm not the type of person anyone would want to be with for very long.

Anonymous said...

love is real but never truly lasting...

Anonymous said...

the love i have for my son is real. every time i look at his little face i feel it. that love is ever lasting so why wouldnt the love i have for my boyfriend be the same?
if you can feel love and know it will last forever with family then it can be that same way with relationships.
i love my boyfriend to death and it will always be that way