12.1.09

1000 secrets!

textsecret addendum: i apologize for this, i really do. i received a secret last week and forgot to post it. the sad thing is i received the secret twice! so the sender sent another text, after i posted on monday, asking why. there is no secret agenda or conspiracy to hide this one secret. i just missed it. i feel so stupid and bad. so here is the missing text. again, i'm sorry for missing this one. again, thank you all for sharing...

  • i read so many secrets last year about how people's sole goal for 2008 was to not live to see 2009. i hope they are all still alive and i want them all to know that i love them even if it seems like no one else does. i love them and i will always love them.

i'm posting my 1000th secret this week. it seems hard to believe but it's true. thank you all for sharing. here are this week's secrets...

  • i'm afraid that absence will make my heart forget.
  • whenever my best girl friend and i argue over whether our guy best friend likes me or her, i sometimes wish she was right, or i was wrong. i don't even like him as anything but a best friend, i just want to know it's possible for someone to like me as something more than a friend, or at all.
  • i don’t let him touch me because it reminds me of him and what he did to me.
  • i feel suicide would be the only way out. i feel there is nothing for me here. i feel there is no one for me here.
  • i wish i could send him a "happy birthday" wish just to see his reaction... but i'm sure his wife, my parents, and the one i'm with would be disappointed. i'm over him and everything that happened between us and yet i want to talk to him and ask him, "why?"
  • i’m afraid i’m never going to be god at anything. i have a degree and am working in my field but i don’t think i’m good at my job.
  • i’m finally doing what i want in life and i’m scared as hell but it never felt so good.
  • i’m amazingly vain and i crave attention constantly. at the same time, i hate myself and the way i look.
  • my boyfriend taped a girl peeing and i hate how he tapes me but i can never leave him because no one else will ever want me.
  • i hate that i put on my myspace that i’m taken and my boyfriend’s says single.
  • i slept with one of my closest friends, who is a co-worker, and also happens to be engaged.
  • in 21 days i’ll be 21. i realized tonight that i’m not excited to be legal to drink. i don’t even drink. i’m more excited that i lived long enough to see 21.
  • my old friend and i were inseperable. then she ruined my life. i hated her. i’d give up all of the new friends i’ve made to be best friends with her again.
  • my mom wrote a suicide hotline number on my bathroom mirror. that broke me.
  • i wish i had been born a boy. then i wouldn’t be so vulnerable. i wouldn’t have been molested. i look better as a boy. if only my lips were thinner and my jaw sharper…
  • if i eat more than 500 calories in a day i feel like a whale. i’m not even thin so it feels like it doesn’t matter anyway.
  • i’ve been fooling around with my married ex. he was mine first. sad truth, i still love him and should’ve had his baby. thanks for the support mom and dad.
  • i love him more than i’ve ever loved anyone. he’s engaged to a woman he doesn’t love. he isn’t leaving her because he’s “comfortable”. i won’t stop loving him.
  • i knew she was bad for me i just didn’t realize how bad until new year’s day. i let go and in doing so I became a much better me.
  • my best friend is dating my ex, my first love, they have no idea how much that kills me. he’s such a jack-ass now. he used to be the nicest guy i knew. i can’t stand him now. he’s so mean to me, always yelling and bitching me out. why do i keep chasing him? i’m done.
  • i don’t keep secrets.
  • i’m white. since college i’ve been so attracted to black men. i had sex with a white guy last night and it was off. i wonder if it was just him or because he is white. i feel that i need to have sex with another white guy to know. i’m so jaded.
  • i’m afraid to be myself in front of anyone because they all think i’m gay even though i’m madly in love with the girl of my dreams.
  • it makes me sad when people talk about suicide. i’d give anything to live longer. life is special.
  • i’m 21. i lost my baby 3 years ago. it’s always harder on january 12th. a part of me dies everyday.
  • i am pooping blood and it scares me so badly but i don’t want to go to the doctor because i’m scared of them putting a finger in my butt.
  • i want to o to prom with you but you won’t ask because mine is on the same day as yours. i’d miss mine for you but i’m afraid to say his even though you are probably thinking the same thing.
  • i can’t leave him and i know i never will. but i wish i had fallen in love with someone who i could talk to or thought my quirks were cute and not faults.
  • i take zoloft for my anxiety attacks. i wish my dad would take it for his depression and stop ruining our family with his pessimistic attitude and cold heart.
  • my best friend died to months ago while drunk driving. i’m worried that she will think i loved her less because i stopped crying so soon.
  • i’ve had two fathers die, was molested by my brother, and have been on the other side of the country from my family since i was 18. this break-up is what’s sending me over the edge. i guess i’m not as good at controlling my emotions as i thought.
  • i want to die but i feel too guilty about leaving my best friend alone to deal with his problems but i don’t know how much longer i can handle my own.
  • i’m so insecure about my weight it stops me from pursuing my dreams.
  • i just want him to purpose so we can live happily ever after. he’s asked my dad and he has the ring, now i’m just waiting.
  • Tomorrow I see you for the last time before you’re deployed. promise me that you’ll come back because then i’ll be able to tell you i’ve fallen in love with you.
  • “forbidden to remember, terrified to forget, it’s a hard line to walk.” that’s my favorite and least favorite line from ‘new moon’ because it makes me think of you. I miss you.
  • the 12th is my ex’s birthday. i want nothing more then to spend it with him but he’s spending it with her. i’m too afraid to even text him happy birthday.
  • my best friend and i woke up to look at this week’s new secrets. you posted both of ours and we were able to spot each others immediately. thank you for showing us another meaning of best friends.
  • i hate what she has become.
  • i’m having an emotional affair with a guy i’ve never met who lives three states away and i think i’m really starting to love him. it’s pathetic but i can’t stop.
  • my father’s girlfriend thinks i’m bitter because my mother is on drugs when actually i’m just bitter about fake whores like her who are trying to sleep with my father.
  • i still want to die so thanks for nothing.
  • i want to die.
  • i have never had an orgasm and i’m afraid i’m one of the few people who are unable to.
  • i worry too much about him and it stresses me out but i can’t help but care. he’s the best friend i’ve ever had.
  • i know i should work on not cutting but part of me doesn’t want to get better
  • i’m scared that i will never believe in the things that most people believe in. i wish i didn’t over think everything and could just go with things.
  • i want to have an illegitimate child so that people would see that i wouldn’t abort it but mostly i just want to have a baby and i want it to be his.
  • my boyfriend is waiting until he proposes to say ‘I love you’. we’ve been together 3.5 years and i have loved him since day one. i can’t wait until i hear those three words.
  • i feel like a horrible person for wishing his possible baby’s mama would die. we just found out her daughter is dying of a rare blood disease. i think it’s my fault.
  • i think I go for guys who are unattainable so i won’t have to deal with the pain of rejection.
  • i’m scared to let go. he was the first boy to treat me like that but hurt me. i need to move. i am because i deserve better but i don’t want to lose the friendship.
  • i think you’re masochistic or psychotic to put up with me. maybe it’s your falcon kicks? but i’m still really grateful that you do.
  • my friends tease me saying that my co-worker and i are going to get married and have hobbit children because we’re both so short. the truth is i’m in love with him for real and he will never know.
  • i don’t feel anything when i have sex. i keep sleeping with in hopes of feeling something.
  • i’m in love with someone else but you’re the first boy to make me feel something. you may be the one to save me.
  • i think my destiny is to kill myself.
  • i’m losing my job, friends, and house in this economy and i just threw my boyfriend of five years away so i could lose weight and hopefully find a better man.
  • my dad was never home when i was a kid and now when he finally is around i want nothing to do with him. i see the hurt in his eyes and don’t care.
  • i hooked up with the guy my sister wanted to marry and ruined everything.
  • every time i’m front row at a show i want to mess with all of the buttons on stage and blame it on the poseur scene girls next to me.
  • my boyfriend asked me to move in with him and i said yes even though i didn’t really think we were ready. my biggest fear is that he’ll ask me to marry him and i will say yes even though i’m not sure he is the one.
  • i hope my bf figures it out and forces me to make a decision. i don’t know which of you i would choose. i feel more secure with him but i love you like no other.
  • i’m never good enough for anyone no matter how hard i try. it’s a horrible feeling.
  • my mom thought i was taking a nap but the blood says otherwise.
  • i like the feeling of making myself bleed.
  • i think my best friend is starting to love me more than he will admit. he knows i like someone else but responds by saying he hates this other guy he barely even knows. i just want him to understand.
  • i’m miserable.
  • make believe is better than the real world 99 percent of the time. he was the one percent that made the real world better. he loved me then gave up because i went out with his best friend. now i’m in love with him and he’s done.
  • i’ve known how i wanted my life to be since i was 8 and being in love with you is changing all of that. i’m not sure if i’m ready for the commitment.
  • stop saying you miss me and start showing me for once, genius. i hate so many things about you but i can’t help but think about how perfect you can be.
  • the only reason I’m not anorexic is that I don’t have the will power.
  • i’m kind of with my ex-girlfriend again and everything is great but I still think about the girl I left her for in the first place. I’m afraid that girl will always have my heart even though she never gave me a chance.
  • i’m sticking around just because i don’t want to prove you right about people but i really want to leave you.
  • i’ve never dreamt about a single person as many times as i have about him.
  • i am a married woman who fell in love with a married man online. we did things i’m not proud of and we got caught by his wife. i feel like i’ve had my heart ripped out because i can no longer talk to him. i cry every night because i miss him so much. i know i shouldn’t but i can’t help how i feel.
  • my boyfriend and i got back together. i used to be so in love with him but now i want to be with the guy i dated while we were broken up.
  • my dad is dying. i don’t know if i would be as sad if it were my mom even though she’s done nothing but love me my entire life.
  • i would give anything to be in love.
  • i got into a costly hit and run accident over a week ago. i’ve felt so guilty and paranoid ever since. only my bf knows.
  • i’m just going to wait until i find edward cullen because it seems like no other guy gives a damn.
  • i would never kill myself but i sometimes wish that i would get into an accident or something. sometimes, i just can’t take all of this at once.
  • my mom is married and has three kids including me. i just found out she’s sending out pictures of body parts, that are supposed to be left unseen, to other guys. i’m so disgusted with her.
  • i wish i could hold you, make your tears stop, mend your broken heart. i wish you could heal mine. most of all, i wish i didn’t love you anymore.
  • i wish we could’ve loved each other at the same time but i guess it was not meant to be,
  • i like him! there, i said it.
  • even though everyone keeps telling me it was the right thing i still feel like letting her go was the wrong thing to do.
  • i dream that he tries to reach out to me through post or textsecret.
  • i want to be with him forever but that’s what i said about my ex too.
  • why am i never satisfied?
  • i was disappointed when the pregnancy test came back negative.
  • i am sick of carrying my best friend’s secrets. i wish she would tell him she cheated and not make me carry this anymore.
  • i really just want a hug. it would make my brain stop spinning for a wrinkle in time and for that moment things would be ok.
  • he thinks i cheated on him only once but it was more like forty. i get frustrated when he pushes me away. the only thing stopping me from wanting him back is the fact he slept with someone else on the day we broke up. he says he loves me but i don’t believe him because of her.
  • i’m 22 years old and my mom hits and chokes me. she threatened to throw herself down the stains to put me in jail. i stay because she’s disabled and i’m broke.
  • he asked me if i loved him and i couldn’t answer because i was afraid it was a trick question. the answer would have been yes and now i have to wait to tell him so he doesn’t think i’m making it up.
  • i fell in love with my best friend’s boyfriend and i was sad when they broke up because it meant no more flirting when she left the room.

29 comments:

Anonymous said...

i see my secret. i still feel guilty about running and haven't stopped thinking about it since.

Anonymous said...

oh my goodness. the one about not being anorexic..... thats MY secret too!!!

Anonymous said...

i'm afraid i'll never be the same.

Anonymous said...

No one believes that i'm still a vigin; I'm 33.

Anonymous said...

i wish we could’ve loved each other at the same time but i guess it was not meant to be.

we share the same secret.
it feels nice to know im not alone

Big J said...

these are beautiful.

Anonymous said...

'the 12th is my ex’s birthday. i want nothing more then to spend it with him but he’s spending it with her. i’m too afraid to even text him happy birthday.'

im exactly the same except my ex's birthday was the 11th, i text him at midnight. no reply.
i wish i was with him instead of her.
i will always love him.


'Stop saying you miss me and start showing me for once, genius. i hate so many things about you but i can’t help but think about how perfect you can be.'

this goes for the one that lives right around the corner yet never make the effort.its ok. ill never love anybody else anyway.


i did not send these secrets although it feels like i should have done!

Anonymous said...

thank you for posting my secret.

Anonymous said...

i wish we could’ve loved each other at the same time

we share the same secret.

Anonymous said...

My secret isn't there. I sent it to him twice and checked that I had the number right so many times, that I have it memorized. I feel so rejected. I've never sent in a untrue secret before. In fact, I got a new phone and this would be the first time I'm sending a textsecret from this number.

The fact that my secret isn't posted makes me want to cry.

Anonymous said...

i also have never had an orgasm
i feel broken
i blame it on the fact that my first sexual experience was rape
but i really just don't know

Anonymous said...

My secret isn't there and this my just my 2nd time sending in a secret. My last secret got posted and that was like a month ago.

Johnny said...

i'm still a virgin too =] im 19 though...

Anonymous said...

I saw my secret, not quite sure how to feel about it.

Big J said...

lol! in response to the edward cullen secret. i'm sure that your knight in shining armor will come eventually!

Anonymous said...

The orgasm secret was mine, it makes me feel better knowing i'm not alone with that. i feel bad for thinking that, because it's not a good thing.
I think the reason why i can't have one is because my first time was a major mistake, i wouldn't say it was rape, but he made me feel like i had to. =/

Anonymous said...

everytime i see a secret that has to do with 'twilight', i think i die a little on the inside. stupid books.

willurememberme said...

to the 33 and 19 yr old virgin, and to everyone who's never had an orgasm.

there's nothing wrong with it. i lost my virginity to a boy who beat me and used me. there's nothing wrong with waiting, even if it's not really your choice. it's better than what some people get and i really respect you for that! =]

Anonymous said...

to the person with the bloody poop:
go to the doctor. they won't stick a finger in your butt.
but it could be a serious issue.
turns out mine was only too much calcium and it was tearing up my intestines. i also found out i was lactose intolerant.

Anonymous said...

It is exelarating seeing my secret up there...
I hope someone shares my secret....

Anonymous said...

"i hope my bf figures it out and forces me to make a decision. i don’t know which of you i would choose. i feel more secure with him but i love you like no other."

Thank you for posting my secret. It felt good to be able to tell someone that's how I'm feeling.

Anonymous said...

to the person who said "i fell in love with my best friend’s boyfriend and i was sad when they broke up because it meant no more flirting when she left the room."

...a friend of mine broke up with her bf recently BECAUSE her best friend and bf were flirting. now the two are actually dating. i'm not trying to blame you for liking him or anything-- but i think you should be grateful that he didn't leave her for you. if he did...would you ever really be able to trust him?

Anonymous said...

about the bloody poop... don't let your fear stop you from seeing a doctor. they'll have you do a stool test probably. it could be nothing, but it could be as serious as ulcerative colitis.

Anonymous said...

"i wish i had been born a boy. then i wouldn’t be so vulnerable. i wouldn’t have been molested. i look better as a boy. if only my lips were thinner and my jaw sharper…"

i'm a boy, and that didn't stop my stepfather from molesting me.

Anonymous said...

I saw my secret... and it just made me feel better inside because it reconfirmed the fact that I made the right decision! HOORAH!!!

Anonymous said...

To everyone with a secret, whether it's posted here or not:

It's okay to have a secret. The worst thing you can do is keep it in.

Anonymous said...

Two days ago I packed my bags and headed to a hotel room to get away from my parents and the constant negativity and arguing. I drove out of town only to cave and come back home. Only one person knew I was leaving and she said "let me call you right back." Sad thing is still no one else knows and no one even bothered to call me and ask how i was for those several hours. I think this reaffirms that if I went missing or something happened no one would notice except for the fact of not having me around to do things for them.

Kimberly said...

I saw my secret... it made me want to cry. I've always been very closed when it comes to secrets. The only person who knows most of my secrets is my boyfriend. The secret i sent in was one that even he doesn't know the extent of.

"i’m 22 years old and my mom hits and chokes me. she threatened to throw herself down the stains to put me in jail. i stay because she’s disabled and i’m broke." was my secret.

Anonymous said...

the commentkeft about the birthday was from me.

i still dont believe he's actually happy with her.

i;ll still wait, i alas get reminded of me and him, i know he does too.

i want him to come back, even if he does break my heart mroe each time.

love.