i've received more picture texts this week, and i am excited to share them, but i am having a bit of a time posting them so they will have to wait for now. i'm sorry. if you wish to email me a picture with a secret, my address is: iwii@yahoo.com. i will continue working on the problem and try to get them all up next week.

a few things i have learned in my 38 years:

1. you cannot base your faith on conditions of reward, wish fulfillment, or proof. you either have faith or you don’t.
2. to be honestly apologetic, the words, “i’m sorry”, cannot be followed by the word, “but” (i.e. “i’m sorry i kicked you in the shin, but you had it coming” or; “i’m sorry that i cheated on you, but she was all over me and i was drunk”). the word “but” essentially cancels out the apology by creating a disclaimer that, whatever the apology was for, wasn’t really your fault anyway.
3. irregardless is not a word
4. when shopping for gifts, we spend far too much time concerned about if the person will like it or not. If a person doesn’t like a gift i got for them, they can toss it for all i care. it truly is the thought that counts and if you can’t appreciate that someone went out of their way to get you a gift then you probably don’t deserve a gift in the first place.
5. for some reason, i maintain an infinite level of patience in order to help others with their problems and sincerely believe the advice i dole out is best for them, but i’m convinced my own advice would never work for me.
6. finding a good therapist is very difficult, but so worth it.
7. an economy cannot be “grown”. nor can a business, customer base, government services, or many other things. these all can be strengthened, built, increased, or fortified, but never grown.
8. my self-esteem has no concept of any logic based in a reality outside of my head.

as always, thank you all again for sharing your secrets. here they are for this week:

• my mom’s best friend died from an overdose. her husband is the one suspected to have done it. i have a crush on him... i always hope i run into him. i know this is horrible but i can’t help myself... he was always so nice to me
• i’m scared i’m never going to find the guy of my dreams. i have a boyfriend, and i have a son with him but i don’t think he is the one.
• he treated me like shit and left me heartbroken and crying but i’d give up the man who treats me like a goddess now for one more chance with him.
• my best friend of 12 years doesn’t call me or hang out with me anymore. he’s too busy with his gf to care i guess. he never tells me that i mean anything to him.
• i’m attracted to the man who allegedly overdosed my friend.
• i found gay porn on your computer. you said it was a virus. i hope that was the truth. i love you too much. i don’t want to lose you.
• i can’t stop thinking about him. at school i scan the hallways and lunchroom for him. i feel like such a whore.
• she said she was late. so was i. he freaked so we took a break. he said he would be with her if she was pregnant. She wasn’t. I was. I lost the baby and him.
• i have more reasons to cut now than when i was doing it. i’m afraid of starting again.
• i hate that i love him but i wouldn’t love to hate him.
• i’m so happy I responded to her text. she has been a bright light in my dark world ever since. It breaks my heart to think we might never be together
• i talk to people that aren’t real when no one’s around. at least my imaginary friends are always there for me.
• the guys i sleep with don’t use condoms. i’m not on birth control. i am completely clean and disease free. i haven’t ever been pregnant. either i’m just really lucky or it will turn out that i can’t have kids.
• i killed my goldfish on purpose.
• as my parents are getting ready to put me into an institution i’m realizing that suicide probably is the answer.
• i wish that just one of my more mundane fantasies would come true. then i could believe in god’s goodness again.
• i told my parents that i cut myself because of stuff with friends and school just because i didn’t want to hurt them by telling them they were the real reason.
• i don’t like you like that anymore. good luck with your life.
• your thoughts of suicide are bullshit. don’t lie about that. you know who you are.
• you replaced me with her, tell her you love her. you tell me you want me to stop being in your life and even to stop looking at you. i’m sorry. i’ll always love you.
• i think my best friend tried to tell me he likes me tonight. i hope he tries again.
• i’ve just been fired and i don’t know how to tell my parents. i’ve worked at different places over the last ten years but i’ve never been fired. i feel like a failure.
• i’m in love with my 30 year old girlfriend but she doesn’t know how to budget money, take out the trash, or wash a god damned dish. i’m not sure if i can stay with her.
• everyone tells me i am too good for him. he hurt me because of another girl. i still want him.
• i write him text messages i will never send. i doubt he’d even care if i did.
• i just found out today that my favorite grandma died in 2003.
• i want to kill myself.
• i texted her today to see if she was even alive. after not talking to her for so long i feared she had killed herself. she’s alive. i’m slightly disappointed.
• i had a miscarriage and i didn’t even tell him i was pregnant.
• i am waiting until after the holidays to kill myself. i’m just tired of living.
• i’m a 23 year old guy who has always dated women. i’m learning that i’m willing to put up with things that i shouldn’t when dating a guy because they are harder to find.
• i sometimes have a rush of hatred towards people with a passion.
• i don’t know how 2 say yes.
• he is no you, baby.
• i’m sorry i cheated but the cheating was the best 3 months of my life.
• i don’t have the power to hate my mother. she went through hell and back to have me. i do honestly think i could hate my dad. i really have no reason not to except that hate is a sin.
• i keep messing up and when i try harder not to i mess up even more.
• i just bought a shirt for myself with the money my mom gave me to buy my little sister a christmas present.
• i loved my dad a lot. now he’s sick and dying and it feels like he’s already dead. i can’t say if i love him at all anymore.
• i read because i prefer the books to reality. sometimes i wish something or someone would take me away on my own adventure. i just don't want to live this 'normal' life anymore.
• you say i’m the most beautiful girl in the world. but when we get naked, don't think i don't notice how you look at my scars like they're the most disgusting thing on earth.
• my mom gave me to my grandma so she could raise me....but kept my sister and brother. i love my childhood...but still it hurts.
• i finally figured out that my biggest fear isn’t losing him but forgetting him and of that i am truly terrified.
• my fiance died almost 2 years ago. i overheard some of my family talking about me the other day wondering if my heart will ever work right again... i wonder the same everyday, but it hurts to hear other people say it.
• i tell my boyfriend that i’m ugly just so i can hear him say i’m pretty…
• you ask me why i think i’m not good enough for you. i tell you it's because i’m crazy. you say i’m not. you don't know that i still cut myself, still starve myself, have unbearable mood swings, and abuse my mother's medication. seriously, sweetheart, you have no idea.
• i say I hate you because i’m afraid of loving you.
• we may not like the same composers but we both like hot cheetos and monsters and i love her even with our differences.
• i thought i loved my ex. i wanted a future with him. he didn’t feel the same.
• i have never done drugs or had sex; everyone just assumes the worst about me.
• i lost my virginity to my best friend’s boyfriend. i had only met him two weeks before.
• i’m marrying a boy i’m not sure i love because i don’t know if anyone else would ever marry me.
• i started new antidepressant meds today. it’s the first time i’ve needed any. i’m really glad to have the help. and i like having an excuse for a sluggish mind.
• i lost my virginity to a man who is twice my age that i met on myspace.
• i have sex with guys because it feels better than being alone in my own bed even if it doesn’t last long.
• if i was not beautiful, i would have no other reason to live.
• i honestly don’t think i could so much as look at you anymore if you fell in love with someone else. i still love you. we cant just give up.
• when i was pretending to be straight, i cheated on my girlfriend with her male friend. they are now dating and i can’t wait to tell her.
• i see pictures of you on facebook with your other cousins. do you remember me?
• i’m scared everyday that he will leave me again. i stopped eating and sleeping and i feel numb. i wish he would assure me i have nothing to worry about.
• i was awake during half the time that she was revealing her thoughts because she thought i was asleep
• i’m perfectly happy alone. i’m not jealous of my friends in relationships i’m actually sad for them for not understanding how beautiful loving yourself is.
• i want to cut out my intestines so i can’t eat and can then lose weight.
• i could never be more ashamed of myself than i am when i eat. i have no self-control without drugs to rely on. when i eat i don’t feel i deserve any form of affection.
• if something were to happen to him i would regret it to the point of knowing i couldn’t even get out of bed in the morning. i call it love.
• my best friend doesn’t know that i’m in love with him. he doesn’t even know that i’m gay.
• i hate her for making him miserable but i hate even more that i understand what she is doing.
• i want a baby. i’m 21 and i know i can’t take care of one but all of my friends have them or are pregnant and i’m jealous.
• i’m afraid of growing old alone.
• i would kill to know what goes on in his head when he is looking at me. i feel like he reads my emotions even though i try to hide them. it’s comforting.
• his name was mike and he single-handedly destroyed me. i hope i pop into his head at the worst possible times and that, even for a second, he misses me.
• i just found out my daughter is autistic. i act strong but, in truth, i want to cry every time i look at her.
• we broke up a year ago on our one year anniversary. he is dating the girl he cheated on me with but now he cheats on her with me.
• i hate waiting for, “i love you”.
• my dad is an alcoholic and he throws stuff at me. mom was my only hope and now she’s having an affair on the neighbor and partying every night. i’m giving up on life.
• i’m scared that i’m losing my best friend. he is also my ex, and my son’s father. he is moving to florida because i won’t be with him. being a teen parent is hard.
• i am in love with my child’s doctor who is 22 years older than me.
• i feel better having read your blog. it feels like i’m getting a glimpse into the future. i am waiting t see how you do. i feel i’m where you were a year ago.
• my boyfriend bought me a ring to show me how much he wants us to be together. it’s cute but i think he’s over his head, plus there’s the fact i am in love with another boy.
• i wish i could find my old razor… it would feel so good to fall again.
• i found out i’m not pregnant. even though i’m still a teen i’m kind of bummed.
• mom, you should have had an abortion. i promise things would have been easier that way.
• i’m in love. someone out there does love you. don’t give up. i didn’t.
• everyday i dream of ways you’ll break up with him and come back to me. i’m still waiting for you.
• i’m falling for a boy who lives 3000 miles away. i feel really hurt when he doesn’t say anything especially flirty when we talk, but i know nothing can happen because of the distance. i don’t like caring so much, it can only lead to pain, but what can i do?
• sometimes i want to kill myself because i’m afraid to go on with my life.
• we’ve only been talking for 2 weeks but 2 nights ago he slipped and said he loved me when i was leaving. i just wish he really meant it. at least then i wouldn’t have false hope.
• today i heard my mom and sister talking and laughing about me. i want to cut again.
• i wish she would tell me she loves me