27.10.08

textsecret

secret [see-krit]
– adjective
  1. kept from the knowledge of any but the initiated or privileged:
  2. a secret password.
  3. faithful or cautious in keeping confidential matters confidential; close-mouthed; reticent.
  4. designed or working to escape notice, knowledge, or observation: a secret drawer; the secret police.
  5. secluded, sheltered, or withdrawn: a secret hiding place.
  6. beyond ordinary human understanding; esoteric.
– noun
  1. something that is or is kept secret, hidden, or concealed.
  2. a mystery: the secrets of nature.
  3. a reason or explanation not immediately or generally apparent.
  4. a method, formula, plan, etc., known only to the initiated or the few: the secret of happiness; a trade secret.

quotes about secrets:

  • anything will give up its secrets if you love it enough” - george washington carver
  • “every profound spirit needs a mask: even more, around every profound spirit a mask is continually growing” - friedrich nietzsche
  • “we dance round in a ring and suppose, while the secret sits in the middle and knows” – robert frost
  • “the man who can keep a secret may be wise, but he is not half as wise as the man with no secrets to keep” - edgar watson howe
  • “he that has eyes to see and ears to hear may convince himself that no mortal can keep a secret. if his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips; betrayal oozes out of him at every pore.” – sigmund freud
  • “what is man? a miserable little pile of secrets” - andre malraux
  • “everything secret degenerates…; nothing is safe that does not show how it can bear discussion and publicity” - john emerich edward dalberg acton
  • “nothing weighs on us so heavily as a secret.” - jean de la fontaine
  • “everyone is like a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.” – mark twain
  • “whoever wishes to keep a secret must hide the fact that he possesses one.” - johann wolfgang von goethe

the power of secrets – an article from the magazine “psychology today”


this week's secrets...

  • i used to avoid my dreams to avoid my nightmares. my nightmares have started coming back and they are worse than ever. they scare me to death
  • i’m scared that once i take off the rest of the weight i still won’t be attractive enough for guys and just gain it all back
  • the only way i’ll know if mother loves me is if she dies like dad
  • he’s 53. i’m 22. he’s engaged. i’m single. we meet up every weekend. get a room. get drugged up. and have mind blowing sex. i don’t feel bad, sad, or guilty
  • she was his fuckbuddy before us and had his baby in our first few months. the baby now has major brain issues and i feel like it’s her punishment. not sorry.
  • i act like a smartass tough bitch in order to stop people from getting to know me. part of me loves being alone so much that it scares me
  • i use people to distract myself from reality, it’s time to grow up and face lie
  • what’s keeping me alive is the fear of suicide and the devastation it would cause my best friends.
  • i’m blonde, a redneck and i suffered from brain injuries. i am more intellectual than anyone gives me credit for.
  • i love my boss more than my husband. and i don’t feel bad about it
  • i will never recover from everything that has happened in this last month. now it is hard for me to see the good in people and i’m terrified that more things are
  • i distance myself from people, especially men, cause i think they will be freaked out by my daughter’s disabilities
  • i don’t want a relationship with you. i just need you to aid me in getting over the douche bag that i let break my heart once again
  • i think that the only person that can [help me] is the next man that will walk into my life and sweep me away. i hope he shows up
  • i want nothing more than to leave everything behind and move to oregon. i hate who i am here and i hate these people. i need something more than this.
  • i was a size 14 the year i got engaged. i’m a size 6 now. i shrank a size every year. i’ve never been happy with any size i’ve been, but i was prettier when i had the courage to be ‘the fat girl.’
  • i wish she would miscarry so he could come back to me like he did before they knew he was prego. she doesn’t know, but he calls me everyday and says the same thing.
  • i have gray hairs but i tell people they are white and due to a disease that i have that kills any pigmentation in my body.
  • i bought a vibrator and i’ve only used it twice. i’m scared someone is going to randomly find it.
  • i’m not the girl that he wants whether he thinks so or not.
  • i wish i had enough will power to just not eat because i’m sick of throwing it all up.
  • i still think about hurting myself every single day and most days i want to die
  • i just got a tattoo and my family can’t know!
  • my mother-in-law makes me lunch everyday. and as long as no one is in the office, i throw it all up when get back to my job.
  • i’m almost 16 and i still sleep with a nightlight. i’m terrified of being alone in the dark.
  • i’m never good enough.
  • there’s this boy i know but i didn’t notice him until he started showing up in my dreams… every time we are having sex
  • my husband threatened suicide. i wish he had done it.
  • these secret texts are the only texts i get.
  • everyday i wish i would get in a freak accident and die so i wouldn’t have to choose to keep him or our unborn child.
  • i hope my dad dies soon. not because i want his stuff but because i’m hoping then i can finally let go of his secrets and the anger i hold onto and direct toward him
  • i sometimes wonder how this happened to us. i don’t know how to stop being sad about it.
  • i just met a guy online and he’s the only guy who will talk to me right now.
  • i regret giving away my virginity.
  • a lot of girls like my bf and i feel that one of these days he’s bound to get tired of our long distance relationship and just leave me.
  • i think having sex with a total stranger is exhilarating and i wish i did it more.
  • after seven months of “sleeping” with him I finally slept with him. I learned he doesn’t share the bed very well.
  • “lol” annoys me. i believe people overuse it. or use it when they don’t know what else to say. it’s like a tic only typed, with some people. stop! it makes me think you didn’t really mean what you just wrote or texted.
  • i think my wrinkles are ok, and maybe even endearing as i have a youngish face. but i hate my gray hairs!
  • if i didn’t text the people that call me their best friend i wouldn’t have friends. i never see them anymore and they don’t care. i’m losing everyone.
  • i wanted to talk to her, to ask her to join me for a beer, but i know that i have nothing to offer that she would want so i watched her walk by.
  • i'm a fraud and a phoney. holden caufield's worst nightmare. i pretend to help people in need but i can't even take care of myself.

2 comments:

nica169 said...

I have spent the last 9 months or so losing weight and finally doing really well. I'm learning to not only become comfortable with who I am but also being comfortable in my own skin. Of all the things that go on in my mind there has always been that one issue that always pops up and that is the men in my life. I tend to not think about it because clearly i have other things to think about at this point but like i text in...I am scared that I still won't be good enough for guys even once I do get to some skinny number on the scale but then I read the following text you posted:

"i was a size 14 the year i got engaged. i’m a size 6 now. i shrank a size every year. i’ve never been happy with any size i’ve been, but i was prettier when i had the courage to be ‘the fat girl."

I'm a few pounds shy of being a size 14 and to think that this may be the prettiest I ever feel is scary. I'd like to think that the smaller i get the better ill feel and in turn the prettier I'll feel but what if that doesn't turn out to be the case. Will being smaller make me any happier? At the end of this, I know I won't be the same girl I am now so I look forward to meeting that girl. I just hope I like that girl is everything I think she is! Losing weight is so much more than anyone will ever know unless they truly go through it because in essence you are completely transforming and reinventing yourself along this journey.


sorry for rambling...

Jax Poetic said...

i found so many of my own secrets in this batch that it scares me. i didn't realize they were mine. I feel free.