textsecret

• i hide in my cave because it’s safe here… no one can hurt me if i don’t go out and let them.
• i’m in love with my best friend but i’m scared. / more and more challenges are sprung upon me everyday and i’m watching myself get weaker. i’m so depressed and i don’t know how to stay strong.
• if i’m not selfish for myself, who is?
• your excuse was you were busy or you just felt like you never had anything to say. it’s been over a month and i miss you so much. i just wish you still loved me. / i hope you still think of me.
• i miss you way more than i should. cheater or not, i am still in love with you. if you said you wanted me i’d be yours in a heartbeat and i hate myself for that.
• had a threesome with her and her hubby because i’d lost my way in my marriage. now she fell in love with my best friend and they almost ran away together. everyone is a whore it seems.
• i still like you and wish you would come home for christmas. i miss you and so does everyone else. please come back.
• there is so much wrong here. there is so much inside of me you will never understand because you never ask. you never even bother to try.
• the only thing i had to eat to day was a chicken nugget from wendy’s. instead of getting something else to eat i will just pat myself on the back.
• i haven’t worn my retainers in years. i’ll blame it on my wisdom teeth.
• i’d rather be great at something than good at everything.
• i hate telling people when i’m feeling sad. not only do i think that they won’t care and that i’m stupid but also that i’m weak. i hate this.
• i miss you every single day and fear that i always will. i miss our conversations that meant everything to me. i love you.
• i haven’t cut myself in 208 days and it is so hard.
• i think i’m falling for my friend’s very recent ex. i feel so disloyal. the worst part is that i can’t stop it.
• pear, wherever you are, i just want you to know that i miss you very much.
• i can’t take it anymore. i feel left out of my friend’s now. i hate her so much i want to fucking punch her in the face but my dad said if i do he will… / so there is this girl who i cannot stand. she is such a fucking bitch. i hate her with a burning passion. that stupid jew, i really hate her. / i hate this guilt. i wish i knew why. i didn’t want that to happen to anyone. such a though never crossed my mind! so why do i keep being the indirect cause of…
• i’m married and fell in love with another woman, and she with me. she’s everything i could ever ask for but single. regardless, i can’t stop loving her.
• i regret saying yes. / i’m a complete disappointment to my parents and all i do about it is smoke pot. / i found myself so physically attracted to you today. it might be because of my dream last night. i hate that our relationship ended so badly sometimes. you were a good friend. / i can’t stand my boyfriend’s personality sometimes.

textsecret

• won’t you come out of your cave and go for a walk with me? i miss you x…
• i hate lying to keep everyone happy.
• sometimes i think things would be better for everyone if i just died.
• i don’t know how much longer i can hold on. i hate this feeling and i want it to stop.
• we were friends in high school. then you went off to college and married a possessive jerk and had his baby. last week we finally got back in touch. you’re just like i remember and your son is so cute. i’ve talked you through and played therapist to help save your marriage, but what you don’t know is that i really just hang out with you so much to explain away the evidence of the affair i started with your husband last week. i don’t love him and he doesn’t love me but he’s the only man i’ve ever been with who seemed to really like me and enjoy my company. being with him makes me feel happier and more comforted than i ever have before.
• it’s been months and if you asked me to be yours i’d drop my world in a heartbeat, even after all those things you did. i know i deserve better but i just want you. while we were going out i fell deep in love with you. we tried to make it work twice but couldn’t. i later found out you had another girlfriend the whole time.
• today was my birthday. i spent it waiting for a call or a text from you. we haven’t been on speaking terms since you did what you did. i still hoped. you still disappointed.
• lately i’ve been thinking about just ending everything because i can no longer stand being this person i’ve turned into. the scares remind me of how terrible i truly am and one day soon i’ll leave this all behind so i can start over again. i’m sorry to those that might miss me. i just can’t take this stress and the drugs stopped helping a long time ago.
• god, you’re such a fuck up. you can never keep her happy.
• even though i outwardly seem alright, there are things i’m hiding. it’s just easier to suffer in silence.
• i’m a sex addict. it destroyed my life last year and i know it will again only next time it will be much worse. and that’s ok. maybe he will kill me.
• i’m ashamed every time i hear my son say that i’m his hero or his best friend. i know he deserves so much more and so much better.

textsecret

• i told my current fwb i was single since june but in reality i was cheating with him. i’m single now though, thankfully.
• i cared about you even before we were close. you may have lost the only girl that would’ve bent backwards for you. oh wait, i had. / you call yourself a man but really you’re just a boy that pouts when he doesn’t get his way or when you’re wrong. turning things around on me is just childish.
• i like you a lot and i’m pretty sure you don’t feel the same way. i keep feeding myself false hope, which just hurts me even more.
• i see my ex’s new girlfriend everyday now and when and when i do i get the worst feeling in my stomach because i’m so much thinner than her and he’s the reason i started eating diet pills.
• i keep telling myself that i did the right thing by protecting you from this because i was stronger but i can barely keep myself alive.
• everyone is really disappointing me right now. sucks. and i really thought i could trust them.
• i have a girlfriend that neither my husband nor my boyfriend know about. i think i may love her.
• i would never hurt him. i just hope that he won’t hurt me.
• i sometimes really hate my best friend but i love her too much to say anything.
• i have never been more afraid of anything than i am of just opening my mouth and saying, “dad, i’m a lesbian”.
• no matter what i’m doing or who i’m with, you’re the only thing in my head.
• i’ve never felt comfortable in my own skin. everyone thinks such great things about me but i’m really just doing what i think is right despite their thoughts. i’m just as scared as everyone else but no one ever sees it.
• i’m disposable to everyone around me.
• i currently have a boyfriend who has treated me the best and i can’t get my ex-boyfriend off my mind ever though he’s been the one to hurt me the worst.
• i slept with two guys in two nights this weekend. the first night was perfect, he was perfect, everything was absolutely perfect. i was raped the second night.
• it kills me when he asks for nudes. i actually am really starting to like him and i feel like he’s just using me for my body. like every other man.
• i feel as if i’m walking through life on a leash society has put on me. all i want to do is slip out of it. yesterday my best friend told me i couldn’t accomplish my dream because it just wasn’t a good idea. i will always resent her.
• i like reading the secrets about girls loving their brothers because it's nice to know i'm not the only one.
• i know that text was from you. i will always love you but i just want you to know i’m gone now and i no longer hurt.
• everyday is a struggle for me to stay and not just drop everything and leave you all behind.

textsecret

• you always pick her over me. i thought we were supposed to be sisters. stop making promises you can’t live up to
• i can honestly say i would carry the weight of the world if it meant everyone would be truly happy even just for a day.
• i know he could make me feel whole again.
• i don’t love you anymore but i know you too well to let you go just yet. you have a beautiful soul and i don’t want you to hurt anymore.
• i have feelings for my best friend. she has a boyfriend and so do i but i think about her when i have sex with him.
• i don’t come home from college because i miss my family. i come home because i miss my dog. he’s the only one who can comfort me without any stipulations.
• i’m stringing him along so he will buy me a new phone.
• you are an amazing wonderful person. i know i am extremely lucky that you chose me and i wish i could love you the way i love her. you deserve it. what you don’t deserve is me.
• i am so scared that i only love him because he was the one that held me that whole month after i was raped
• i fucked my mom after my dad raped me.
• i was so desperate for him to love me again i tried to sabotage his new relationship. it didn’t work and i have the scars to prove it.
• if i don’t get the help i need i’m going to commit suicide tonight.
• sometimes i want to cut again.
• i’m afraid to bring the guy i like home because i’m a totally different person around my friends than i am with my mom at home.

textsecret

got a secret
can you keep it?
swear this one you'll save
better lock it, in your pocket
taking this one to the grave

why when we do our darkest deeds
do we tell?
they burn in our brains
become a living hell
cause everyone tells
everyone tells…

you swore you'd never tell…
you swore you'd never tell…

selected lines from “secret”
by the pierces


i just finished reading lessons from a dead girl by jo knowles. it was excellent. i read it because of the dedication: “for anyone who has held a secret”.


“alright wtf... its been like a month... new secrets? i knowwww your [sic] getting a ton... please post them i dont want this site to just stop :(“

i actually don’t get a ton anymore and most are from people who send them regularly. of the new secrets posted below, only seven are from phone numbers i’ve not seen before. honestly, i have considered just stopping and not posting any more secrets. maybe the experiment has run its course. without the myspace blog to remind people about the project, the texts come in from the same few folks each posting and i suspect those are the only folks reading. i won’t stop just yet. i will see how it continues on. i won’t say when my next post will be though. the last post was seven weeks ago and this is all i have to show you. as always, thank you for sharing.

• every summer i try to recreate myself in hopes people like me better.
• i’m secretly glad you don’t want to be around that bitch and your baby but i act outraged around the other moms i talk to. too much drama at 17.
• i would do just about anything to be loved again.
• when fat or unattractive people walk by me i instinctively hold my breath. alternately, when attractive men walk by i breathe deeply.
• my ex has me terrified for the life of myself and our child. i’m 17, what did i do to deserve him? i love our son to death and wouldn’t trade him i just wish he had a different dad.
• things have changed. i don’t hate you anymore. it’s not worth the energy and i have more important things to do.
• i’m an innocent bystander. or maybe not so innocent.
• everything has always been about me. now that it’s about my sister i am trying to be supportive and excited about her life but all i feel is jealousy.
• the best relationship i’ve had was a lie. i knew she was too good to be true.
• i don’t think i’ll ever get over the cruelty, the blunt force trauma, of my grandmother, my only living relative, not loving me. nothing hurts quite like it.
• i have the words “bitch” and “fuck up” permanently carved into my thigh but no one knows that’s what it is.
• it’s crazy how fast i fell for you. i think you could actually be what i need. don’t let me down like the rest of them.
• my big brother lets me "practice" giving bj's on him. he's not gay. he says 'head is head'.
  
• i just relapsed to cutting after almost 2 years of stopping. i feel awful for doing it but the release it brought was amazing.
• i cheated on a guy i am so in love with but i feel very little guilt over it.
• i can finally go to sleep without crying. this summer was the best one yet.
• some days i wonder if i left the love of my life, the only man who would ever love me. i’m terrified that i’ll end up alone and have no one to blame but myself. / i can’t stand alone anymore. i’m letting go and falling whether someone catches me or not.
• worst weekend i’ve had in a long time. it’s been four months and i really wanna give in and just rip my skin to shreds.
• i just took six anti-anxiety pills and one “happy” pill. i wish i were brave enough to kill myself.

textsecret

answer: not really i don't. sometimes. maybe a little. not the secrets themselves, if you know what i mean...

• i think the problem with me is that when a new boy and i don’t work out i always crave my ex-boyfriend’s attention. the security that he’ll always have feelings for me is nice. i’m just worried that of the day he realizes there is actually no chance of another relationship with us and move on. it’s selfish but that’s reality and i won’t be made a fool. i am stronger than that. sometimes i really miss having a relationship with you and i don’t know how i feel when you start talking to other people. i really just want you to man up, to make a move to show that you actually want to try and work things out. but i start thinking about the reasons why we broke up and it keeps me from dialing your number and asking to hang out with you again. / i’m starting to miss what we had. all of it. i miss you wanting me to be a part of your life. you say you miss me but you don’t act like it. i want to tell you how i feel but i feel like it’s not in your best interest. maybe it’s my lack of patience but i want you. i know i’ve hurt you but we can make it work. i’m willing to work for a chance with you if you allow it. i’m more than willing. no time like the present. say yes please?
• my mother’s youngest sister is only two years older than me. she taught me all about sex this summer while she was visiting. i miss her.
• i’m in love with x but i’ll never have the balls to tell him. i’m just the girl getting the cherry blossom tattoo. / i’ll let men i don’t know talk to me and flirt with me online because it turns me on too. i like to seduce any guy i talk to online too.
• i sleep with a minimum of two new guys a semester. what they say about art school girls is true!
• everything from this point forward will be either to put off or prepare for my death. that i will kill myself has ceased to become a choice but a necessity.
• i’m in love with a 30 year old. he’s my best friend’s brother. we are finally moving in together. i know this will tear apart our friendship.
• i hate wanting something i’ve never had and never will have. / sweetie, i really don’t like your mom and i hate that you’re a big mama’s boy. / postsecret has taught me that we are never alone. no matter what we go through, someone else is always in the same place sharing our pain and our joy. / i was surprised that you never tried to talk to me again. if you tried now it would be harder since i got a new phone number. / i don’t see any good in myself.
• my brother came home from college and leaves the bathroom door open when he showers. i masturbate while i watch. i leave the door open now too and i hope that he is watching!
• i always seem to make good arguments but ninety percent of the time i have no idea what i’m talking about.
• he’s right, I am a crappy friend. i’m so ashamed. / i’m done being hurt by you. you’ve caused me so much pain since i met you.
• i’m sick of you. you are a conceited loser who only cares for yourself. honestly get the fuck over yourself. i’m done putting up with your bullshit.
• when you told me i remind you of dad it was the worst thing you could’ve ever said. and you wonder why i don’t trust you.
• i found out that he has just been using me for the past couple of years and i tried to kill myself. after lots of thought a couple days later i realized he isn’t worth losing my life over. i will grow from this and move on. but for now it has made me scared to get into another relationship.
• i loved him for five years and all he did was hurt me. he finally committed and we live together and now i’m discovering a whole new side to him. i’ve pushed everyone who tried helping me away. i miss my friends, i miss my freedom. i miss not being afraid. i miss me.
• i think i love him and that scares me a lot.
• for some reason i think when my mom is mad at me she will open her can of beer louder than usual, just to make sure i hear that she’s drinking another.
• all of my friends are dicks. every single one.
• i had my first orgasm when i was twelve and my daddy was teaching me to ride a horse by riding behind me. now i have them when he takes me for rides on the back of his motorcycle and my arms are wrapped tight around him.
• i wanted you to fight for me but instead you let me go. thank you for the best winter of my life.
• i think i’m in love with you but it can’t be love. not yet. for years i’ve been so sure that love can’t happen this soon yet still i’m in love with you.
• i’m letting you go because i thought you were better. you’ve only made my bad situation worse. i’m sorry, sort of.
• my little bother caught me giving my boyfriend a blow job and i have to blow him now to keep him quiet. the thing is i like blowing him more than my boyfriend
• i was cheating on my husband with my boy friend and now i’m cheating on them both with my boyfriend’s best friend.
• i hate how when i give you advice on how i’d want guys to do certain things for me you do it for her every single time.
• i’m a recovering anorexic and i’m jealous of the girls around me who are on their way to getting an eating disorder.
• i remember now and i’m so angry at myself for forgetting. i’ve always hated the people who made him cry. well now i hate myself. i love him and i forgot that.
• my lies are catching up to me.
• i will forgive you. i won’t forget you. please don’t forget me. i still love you. is there a chance you still love me too?
• the other day i accidentally slashed my little finger when i was getting ready for bed. it reminded me of when i harmed. i miss it but i know i won't be able to go back to harming.

textsecret

• i check postsecret and textsecret every week hoping to find a message from you. it’s been more than a year and i still hate you for what you did to me but i wish you would come back to me.
• i’m sure you really don’t care but if you opened your eyes for one second you’d realize you’ve loved me since we met. that’s why those girls never work out. / i love you because you know me better than anyone else. i told you i loved you platonically and you said i know you love me both ways. i knew you’d say that we…. / as soon as i think you’ve finally got a grasp on it you say something that makes me cry. i’ve lost everyone. you’re my last hope. / i worry that i’m bi-polar because sometimes i just want to shoot somebody for no particular reason.
• my plan is to leave when i turn 18 which is two years away but i know i need to finish school but i don’t think i can last an longer. i’m barely hanging on as it is.
• i think i’m falling in love with you and it should be the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me but i’m afraid it’ll never work out.
• i would trade all of the luxury items i have to not feel lonely anymore. / i wish someone would recognize how fake my smile and laughs are. / i’m ashamed of being bi-sexual.
• when i turn 21 i plan on running away and leaving everything behind. honestly, i think everyone would be much better off without me. / i think i’m meant to be alone. i lose anyone that i get close to and never hold on to those who don’t leave. / i just let go of the person who still holds my heart. oddly enough i’m not sad about it. instead i feel free and finally in control of my life.
• your little brother is really cute. even though he’s two years younger, i want to date him when he’s older. / i’m so tired of those stupid games we play. please break up with me for real this time. it would make everything so much easier.
• i’m falling for you way too quickly. i need someone to catch me this time. i only hope you’re falling for me too.
• i want us to be like we were before sex. i want you to want me.
• i’m going to be a senior and i have no idea where i’m going to go in life and i would much rather die than have to choose. / i’d have to say that my two biggest fears in life are not being able to find love and becoming financially unstable. just like my mom. / sometimes i just want to take a hot lighter and burn it into my leg. mainly to see what it would be like. but maybe it can relieve me of the emotional pain. / i wish he would think more of me but what can i do… / i’m waiting to meet someone who knows how i feel and doesn’t just feel sympathy towards me but has been/is going through what i am.
• i never felt less beautiful than i do right now. / i wish she would quit getting herself into these situations. she deserves so much better.
• i can’t wait for the day when i wake up next to you.
• my ex-best friend hates me and i’m tempted to tell people all of the shit i know about her and all the things she has said about all of her close friends to me. she’s a fucking terrible person and i can’t wait for her constant lies and manipulation to catch up with her.
• i wish i had someone to talk me out of throwing up but i could never tell any of my friends. hate feeling so lonely.
• i know i’m a goddamn piece of work but i am so happy that you’re still here. / is it so bad that all i ask is that you show me more affection? your “i love you came too late. i don’t know who i’m more sorry for – you or myself.
• i tell him that i don’t trust him but it’s really me that i don’t trust.
• i wish that he would talk to me but i know i fucked up things for good and i can’t do anything to change that. / hoping i’m just imagining the lump i can feel in my breast. i’m only 16. is breast cancer possible at my age? i’m not ready to die. / i never wanted to drink my life away more than i do right now. fuck…
• today i ran into him after a long time of not seeing him. i thought i was over him but i guess i’m not.
• i can’t stand myself most days.
• i’m always afraid that when i’m not with you you’re cheating on me.
• i’ve never felt as sad as i do right now. i don’t know why i put myself through this just to wait around for nothing to happen. i love you but i hate myself.
• there hasn’t been a day for the past three years that i haven’t thought about killing myself. i’ve never told anyone because don’t think i’m worth the argument.
• i want talking about your cheating to make it better or easier but really it just makes it even harder for me to believe you when you tell me i’m beautiful.
• he tried to break me but he didn’t. he couldn’t. i’m too strong and i have too many amazing people behind me.
• during the times when i feel like ending it all, the only thing that stops me is the thought of how my father would feel. i love you daddy.
• wearing thongs doesn’t make me a slut. being a slut makes me a slut.
• we all took a trip together this weekend. i’ve never felt more left out of a group. / i saw your secret here. it made me sad but i’m glad i saw it. it’s the only news i’ve heard of you in six weeks.
• i’m scared because i don’t know what’s going to happen when you leave for school. you have a hard time living on your own but i don’t. i’m not saying that i want to continue my life without you because i don’t but i just don’t want to grow too far apart that you don’t need me anymore. / chicks before dicks my ass! and you thought my boyfriend took all of my time. your boyfriend is taking all of your time!
• i wish people did not love me so i can do things and then not have to worry.
• i’m slowly drowning in my own realization of life. i’ve pretended for too long that i’m happy with who i am. i’m not. i’m ready to give up.
• i know you think dumping you because of your coke addiction was ridiculous but i couldn’t be with someone who reminded me of my past.
• the only thing that keeps me from cutting is having to actually talk to my parents again.
• my boyfriend is going out of town tomorrow night for work. i hate when he does because he goes out to the bars. i trust him but i’m so insecure. what if he finds someone better than me? i’m 8 weeks pregnant and don’t know how to calm myself down ever.
• i finally left you after 3.5 years of bullshit. i’m sleeping with your best friend now and have never been happier. i can’t wait until we tell you.
• i tell my friend she can mess around with my ex-boyfriends even though i am so in love with them.
• i ran away for the weekend with a boy who thought he was gay. then he didn’t. he said he loved me. we had sex. now he’s gay again. but i lied to him about my dad hitting my because i didn’t want him to know that i cut myself and that the random guys i was sleeping with were the ones bruising me. / i’m a girl that’s in love with my old best girl friend. she’s bi and i’m only bi for her. i like other boys, just not girls. i want her.
• i’m setting you free. i don’t deserve you. i deserve better!
• i haven’t had meaningful sex in almost two years. i’ve slept with six guys since then and i want to have someone that wants to have sex with me because i mean something to them. i want love again.

text secret

• i saw you on saturday morning. we spent all saturday night and sunday together. i smiled at you monday morning and you smiled back. you left monday afternoon. it’s monday night and i’ve been crying for hours.
• i’m afraid of losing him. i’m afraid that one day he’ll text and say that we can’t talk anymore. i’m most afraid of him never texting back at all. / even though i’m younger and you’re older i would drop everything i have here to be with you. i honestly think you’re all i need.
• i love the fact that i was lied to for this long. how fucking classy.
  being away from my girlfriend sucks. i think i’m starting to forget how much i really do love her. / as the days of summer pass i’m afraid that i’m very close to losing the person behind the reason of my very existence. / most recently, i think that my ex-boyfriend is the man i’m going to marry 10 – 15 years from now.
• boy, i think that i’m in love with you.
• i wish that i could move far away with just my family and feel guilty for leaving my friends. i love them; i just don’t want them anymore.
• my friends and therapist think that i’m doing better than i actually am. / the voices tell me to die. i haven’t told my therapist about them because i refuse to go to a psych ward. / you can’t say that i guilt tripped you. if it was a guilt trip then you would have to be able to feel guilt, which would require you to have a soul.
• i know that i should finish school and fulfill my potential but i really want to stay home and have babies.
• i feel like there are too many places to live and too many lifestyles to try to fit into one life. i am curious about living so many different ways and places i don’t know how to do it. i feel like i’m never gonna live my life the way i dream. i want it to be some ways it probably never will be and that terrifies me. i’m scared to get old. i’m scared that i can’t get back my youth and my parents aren’t letting me live what i have left of it.
• i’m sad you let me go this quickly. i wish you would fight to keep me as much as i fought to keep you in the beginning.
• i want nothing more than to be able to walk away from you. but every night i steel myself to, i end up dreaming of what we had and find it impossible to do it. / i’m not comfortable in my own life. there are so many things that can go horribly wrong and that terrifies me.
  i don’t feel like part of the family anymore, which isn’t helping anything.
• i hate that you saw me in short shorts. i only wanted one man to see that much skin. ever.
• you just crashed your car rushing to meet me. then you told me you liked me over the phone. i told you i liked you too, but i don’t.
• my girlfriend is out at prom right now because she couldn’t take me. some other guy is walking around with my girl. i’m infuriated.
• i’m miserable.
• today i wish was my last. i’m just so tired. i would make it my last but i would feel bad putting anyone out to bury me. i don’t know how to be a degenerate. i just don’t know how to change.
• i wish that you would treat me bad just once so that i could feel ok about wanting to leave you.
• i am going through a divorce because my husband and i have had an open marriage and he fell in love with his girlfriend. he wants to marry her and have babies. / he and this relationship were completely unexpected and absolutely welcome. i don’t know what i would do without his support and caring and belief in me.
• why won’t you let me love you? we could both use the comfort.
• i sometimes wish that i had been killed in the car crash that killed my friend. it may have made things easier.
• i still don’t know which of my best friend’s brothers is which! i’ve known her for 6 years.
• i tell everyone about how i have so many friends so they won’t know how alone i truly am.
• i am married. i text my ex from 3 years ago to see how he was. he is still bitter. it somehow makes me feel good that he is married and still has feelings.
• i felt happier with the boy whom i’ve had a fling with for two weeks than the relationship i’ve had for more than nine months. now he has a girlfriend. i wished he could have loved me the way i loved him. i wished i was one of his top priorities like he was mine. i wished that his action would have done the speaking rather than pointless words that never came to be. no, you weren’t a waste of my time; i just hope you treat your next girlfriend like the princess she should be treated like. like i was never treated.
• i’m the best fucking thing that will ever happen to you and i can’t wait for the day that you wake up completely alone and realize that.
• we talked about suicide at youth group tonight. it brought back lots of old suicidal thoughts i haven’t had since my last attempt. / no one’s ever really been there for me and i’m beginning to see why.
• it annoys me when my friends complaining about their lives when they have everything going for them.
• post secret is the reason i met the love of my life.
• i suddenly don’t feel like doing this anymore but i feel powerless to change it. / i cut today. it never makes me happy but it does make me feel so good. unfortunately. / i’m starting to really not like this lifestyle but i’m terrified about what i’d have to do to change it. / today i want to kill myself and what really bothers me is that i don’t have a reason other than i don’t want to live anymore.
• i’m making someone i know is right for me wait so i can see if i can make my current messed-up relationship work. you said the idea of me snorting my pills kind of bothers you. so i do it in the bathroom so you don’t have to watch.
• i hate my orientation. it prevents me from having normal relationships with my best friends because i always end up falling in love with them. i wish i was normal.
• my best friend died 3 days ago and i’ve never felt more alone and empty.
• i lied to my boyfriend about cheating on him. it is his baby. i was just scared he would take him. now it’s killing him. i wish i didn’t lie. i can’t tell him.
• i gave my boyfriend the number to this website. god now i regret it. what if he sent one of these in? i’m scared.
• i miss you wanting me.
• i'm the girl you like. and i don't know how to handle it either. but i do know how i feel about you....
• i wish everyone would see you the way i do.
• part of me wishes she'd make a move. i'm too afraid and insecure. i can't do it. what if she rejected me?
• inside i’m crying for the loss of my best friend/ex-bf/baby daddy...he won’t ever know how much actually need him....
• it kills me to hear you say that you want me gone.
• i'm going to kiss her next time i get her alone. i'm going to do it. i need to. i hope she feels the chemistry like i do.
• last night i had a dream about him. with every inch of my body, i desperately want it to come true.
• you told me you were still in love with me an i told you i was pregnant... you told me to get an abortion an i said i can't do that... that was the last time i heard from you... as much as i hate you i miss you so much....
• i wish someone would reach out to me an see how much i am really hurting... i could really use someone right now but everyone else is too busy with their own problems to see how much i need them...
• i will be strong and hold it all in. i am better than this. i am i am i am i am… i hope….
• your eyes give it all away, there's so much to say. but we leave it unsaid.

textsecret

i recently read a novel by melina marchetta called, "on the jellicoe road". it was gripping and moving and i wanted to share this with you all in the hopes you will pick up the book and read it yourselves. the story references a bible verse that made me think of this site and ps immediately.

matthew 10:26 - "...therefore do not fear them, for there is nothing concealed that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known."

i felt comforted when i thought of this verse in relation to secrets. maybe it's just me....

here are the secrets for the past three weeks. thank you all for sharing.

• it’s disappointing to watch my best friend make the same mistakes repeatedly. maybe 500 miles farther will be good.
• i know what cutters mean by feeling a release when they cut. i’m the same way except with scalding water. that way, no one knows i harm myself but me.
• i feel so self-conscious about my stretch marks. it keeps me from wearing bikinis and tank tops during the summer. i’d give anything to not have scars.
• i wish you’d stop asking me about it. if i wanted to talk about what was bothering me i would talk. right now i just want to suffer silently. i may talk later… / it’s at times like these that i really wish i never existed. / i never feel more alone than when i’m in a room full of people.
• i haven’t ever had a real best friend. every girl needs a girl best friend. my sister has had her best friend since kindergarten. now she’s a freshman and i’m a senior and i’m still looking. it sucks.
• my older brother’s best friend slept over last night and i gave him my virginity. the whole time i was thinking of my brother.
• i told him i loved him and that i wanted nothing more but to be in a relationship with him. i thought he felt the same way. He didn’t.
• i hate my best friend and she doesn’t even care.
• every time i want to tell him exactly how i feel i type it out on my phone and send it to you instead. it’s oddly liberating. / i love you. i wish you would wake up and realize you belong to me. all she’s causing you is heartache. i would make you so incredibly happy.
• i told myself i wouldn’t lie through recovery. but i’m too afraid to tell my therapist the truth because we’re such good friends.
• you used to smile at me. we used to have so much fun goofing around. what happened?
• even though i know it’s not real and nothing will happen, i’m petrified to say “bloody mary” three times in front of a mirror. / no matter what anyone says, until i think i’m skinny i’m not.
• i check your blog everyday with a little spark of hope that you could’ve posted that day.
• i know i will never feel good enough for anyone, not even myself. i wish i cold have the confidence you do.
• i am so in love with him.
• i’m beginning to think i don’t really want to talk to him anyways and that bothers me. i love him but i also need him. why hasn’t he replied for 8 hours?
• i’m terrified of having children. my mom always knows what to do, when to do it, and how to do it perfectly. i’m scared i will never know like she does.
• i love gloryholes! there’s nothing better than a strange man’s cum all over my face.
• i can’t be around my uncle without being on the verge of tears the whole time. he reminds me too much of my dad.
• babe, i cut you off like a cancer. don’t put this blame on me, you did this to yourself.
• i’m trapped by the one man who swore to love me and not hurt me. all my friends warned me, now they’re gone and no one will save me.
• you hurt me yet i’d still be with you, giving you another chance to hurt me again.
• for every bad turning point in my life, a good one follows. i’m finally done with your bullshit and i have other friends who will think kindly of me. so screw off! / she died yesterday. i found out today. all i can think about is how death comes in threes and how i always find this stuff out a day later. / i’m betting 20 bucks that she already made out with a few of the guys she’s just met. wait until her boyfriend finds out.
• i really did want to die that day. the only thing that keeps me from doing it is knowing i have a child that only has me to count on. i’m glad i got pregnant so young. she saved me.
• i’m kind of a spoiled brat.
• i honestly don’t know what i’m gonna do when he comes and visits. / i think i might have actually met a decent guy in portland. / i’m sick and tired of feeling so flawed. i can’t stand how our society makes people think they need to look a certain way.
• i know if i was skinnier i’d be sluttier.
• i love you. call me crazy but sometimes it seems like you feel the same way. i just want you to.
• it’s been over a year. i’ve moved on and she has too. so why do i still get jealous when i see her with her girlfriend? / sometimes i wish i didn’t exist.
• it’s been five months and i still love him like we’ve never been apart.
• i cannot wait for you to go to louisiana. you think people care that you’re leaving but they don’t. i will not miss you.
• i’ve pushed everyone away because of my eating disorder except for him. now i feel like he is getting tired of me and my crap.
• i’m planning on testing out of high school and i haven’t told any of my friends.
• my best friend is leaving for college, another is moving to north carolina to start new, and i’m still stuck here in the same old position feeling lonelier than ever. / i have a sex-crazed boyfriend that i don’t even like anymore. my close friend doesn’t even know me, and my mom hates me for bullshit reasons. i want to fly somewhere, not tell anyone where i am and become an anti-social wreck. that way i’m no longer dependent on undependable people.
• i love when we go to big family gatherings because my cousins and i have been having sex since we were twelve.
• i’m falling for her. she likes me. i have a boyfriend but i’m falling for her. hard. that’s not even half of it. how can i handle this?
• i wish things were easier. i know you feel the same way about me. at least i have myself convinced that you do. i still want my chance but i know i won’t get it. speak your mind please.
• i need turbulence in my life to be happy.
• i hope that x makes you regret it.
• you are all i ever wanted. i’m so in love with you but when i feel the most i can’t help but also feel like you could be faking it. please don’t fail me baby.

text secret

i'm still here. i'm healthy. i'm moved by all of the comments asking after me. one clever person noticed i had logged on to my myspace page! frankly, i didn't think my absence would go noticed and that this site would soon be forgotten. i've gotten a couple of texts asking about me. i thank you for your concern. my internet access is limited to the library right now. for some reason, this site is blocked, or won't load, or something and i haven't even been able to log on to blogger to do the updates. so that is why i haven't updated for a while. updates may come irregularly until i can secure another way to access what i need to to do this. i've continued receiving secrets though so here is what i've gotten over the weeks. thank you for sharing.

• please, just put the bottle down. what would i do without you?
• i’ve never felt so helpless in my life. breaking off this friendship feels as if i just got divorced. i miss you more than ever, love you no less, and wish this never happened.
• i wish my mom could take a walk in my shoes for a day so then she could see how hard i really have it. / i think losing weight and getting a boyfriend will solve all of my problems.
• my friends complain about their moms every day. they don’t know my mom is dying. when she’s gone my world is going to fall apart.
• you dress slutty to get his attention. you also get the attention of so many other guys. i hate walking around in public with you while you’re dressed like that.
• every time we fight she says, “i don’t care”. as soon as those words leave her mouth i wonder if she would care if i killed myself.
• i don’t know how to tell him i think i’m in love with him.
• i got so wasted i was lying down in bed and thought you were there. i cried, told you how much i loved you and needed you. i woke up and realized nobody was there.
• i’m beginning to trust myself.
• all my friends are dead. / i’m in love with him and he knows it and i’m finally free.
• i’m so tired of being single and her acting like a whore and having a lineup of potential boyfriends.
• my boyfriend is an overly jealous person and i feel suffocated. but sometimes i feel like i do give him reasons to be jealous.
• my boyfriend and i broke up then i found out he is gay. now one of my friends is trying to hook-up with him and she doesn’t know. i think it’s funny. / i recently found that i really like my best friend but we’re too close to ruin it. he’s all i have. i just wish i new how he felt about me.
• my happiness is merely an illusion. when i’m laughing with you i’m really thinking about how lonely i am and how i wanna go home and cut again.
• i have a set of rules i follow to keep myself at a happy and functional level. i don’t know how/why but no matter how hard i try i always break those rules.
• x was the reason i said i’d never drink, do drugs, or cut again. now that he turned his back i’m worried i’m going to break all three of those promises just like he did.
• i hate that you wanted me to kill our baby with an abortion. i hate that i keep hearing rumors that you and your ex are going to take this baby from me.
• i get depressed while watching kid/teen movies because i know my life will never be that fun or perfect.
• i’m in love with a wonderful guy but i often think of cheating on him with my ex because we had better sex.
• he wants another chance and i’m almost fool enough to give it to him. / i gave myself an eating disorder because i wanted to lose a few more pounds. here i am, 3 years later and 50 pounds lighter, and i hate myself more than when i started.
• i wish i had talent.i know the australian accent is fake but goddamned it is hot.
• sometimes i think everyone would be better off if i were dead.
• i really miss talking to them everyday.
• you are so rude, so very rude. i’m excited for the weekend because i won’t have to see you.
• the most depressing thought in the world is thinking that i will never be truly in love because i know the pain of rejection too well. i hope i’m wrong. am i?
• the feeling of not having any friends sucks and i know i have friends.
• i love him. but every time he hits me it gets a little harder.
• i wish things had been reversed the way we often talk about. you and i would be so much happier together. i wish that i had made a move or that you had.
• i really feel like i’m secretly bi but i can’t tell anyone.
• my boyfriend broke up with me because he was scared to marry me. he will never know how bad it hurt me. we’re back together again no thanks to the dirty whore who convinced him to do it in the first place. she is such a slut but i love him even though he kissed her.
• it’s not the fact that i will eventually die that scares me. it’s the fact that life will go on for everyone else.
• my future husband doesn’t want to adopt kids. i may not be able to have children. i don’t know which i’d choose; him or kids.
• you’ve reassured me a million times. i still think you’re lying.
• i think he’s my super hero. / i’ve finally fallen out of love with you.
• you tell me it’s inevitable and sometimes i just wish it would happen already so you’d be out of my life and i could quit trying to help you.
• i don’t care if there are tons of homeless animals. i save my compassion for people.
• i think losing weight and finding a boyfriend will solve all my problems.
• i’m glad my husband is in prison. i called his parole officer. i’m sorry it had to come to this. i still love him, i’m just glad he’s gone.
• i’m in love with my best friend and i feel so unlucky.
• one of my friends knows me better than everyone else yet claims to not get me. i wish she would realize this and stop being so ignorant.
• this guy i like said he can’t talk to me anymore because he can’t stand being in love. that was yesterday and i can’t stop crying and won’t get out of bed.
• it’s been almost three weeks since i stopped talking to you and it’s killing me but i can’t stand the way you have been acting. i hope you can take the hint and change.
• i know you would all be better off without me. i'm too much of a coward to ever do it.

• this sucks, all of my friends have a date to jr. prom. i’m the only one going solo. / i wish i could find a guy who didn’t judge on looks and actually got to know me. it kills me that people like my niece, who is a slut, can find guys and i can’t.
• i need you more than ever. come here.
• all of the secrets about incest disgust me. but they also turn me on.
• i went to tijuana with a bunch of friends and we all went to see the donkey show. afterward we all talked about how disgusted we were but i was so turned on i couldn’t wait to get home to my dog!
• i’m a couple of images from being the happiest ever. i’m a couple of images from ending it all.
• for the first time in years i am truly happy. you’ve made me feel better about myself and have given me a good reason to wake up every morning with a smile on my face. thank you.
• i’m wanting a cigarette. / you were the best thing i ever did have, until you turned your back and never looked back.
• i’ve never met the boy that loves me.i don’t like how much control and impact he has on my life. / i’m sick of being alone. i just want to find that special someone and stick with them forever and ever.
• two more months, then my sister graduates. the next day we are moving to a new town and setting up new lives as husband and wife. i love her so much!
• i read a song he wrote and i’m pretty sure he wrote it for me. thing is, lately we haven’t been talking. the chorus said he loved me.
• my best friend is jealous that i’m finally happy and now is an asshole all the time. / it’s really stupid how people are so self centered that they think i have nothing better to do than talk about them and their life. fuck that.
• i take my mom’s prescription pain medication hoping it will heal the mental pain. it never does. but It makes the physical pain feel real good.
• why can’t i ever just meet a cute amazing boy? do i not deserve to be happy?
• today (april 12th) my best friend said we’re done. i can’t stop crying.
• i will choose you over her in a heartbeat, but i don’t think i’m going to get that chance.
• i would have been so happy with you.
• my boyfriend broke up with me because i live too far away. a week later he got another girlfriend. she lives in the same city i do.
• when i send in a secret, i know that you’ll be able to figure out which one is mine. it’s strangely comforting.
• my mom sneaks into my room when i’m jerking off. she doesn’t know that i know.
• i would give anything to make you happy.
• i keep telling myself only two more years until i can get out of this hellhole but the truth is i don’t think i can last much longer.
• i’ve been in love. it’s not it’s not worth the pain. i never want to fall in love again. i’d rather be alone for the rest of my life.
• my friends don’t realize how well my plan is going. the only one who is going to hurt when it happens is me.
• i’ve been drunk for two weeks straight. i’m going on three and i really don’t know what to do.

textsecret

• he’s going to remember me forever. i hope i didn’t screw up his first kiss.
• i want to kill that asshole. the only thing i had to remember him by and you fucking do that? and then laugh about it?! some friend…
• you think you won a big prize. but honey, the only reason you keep him interested is because you keep opening your legs and it’s disgusting. both of you are.
• i found pictures of my best friend on my dad’s phone that she had sexted to him and i got jealous because i don’t want him to think she is prettier than me. i’ve sent him pictures now too!
• i told him how i felt. the feelings weren’t reciprocated. it was strangely liberating. i don’t need you anymore.
• it made me feel more alive than anything ever has and now i won’t let myself. and somehow not cutting is supposed to make me feel better?
• there’s only one thing that i believe that he said; that my best isn’t really my best. thanks asshole. / like always, when good things happen, there is always a price to pay. in this case, i’m losing one of my “bests”. we’ll see if it’s for the better.
• my life is going so well lately it scares the shit out of me.
• i cheated and if i tell you, you will forgive me. you will tell me how much you love me and beg me to stay to work on it. but i love you so much that i almost hate you for it. no one should get to hurt you like that. i’m so sorry.
• i feel like i have a real life that i’m living and a second life in my head that no one knows about. i’m happier in the imaginary one.
• i work so hard to ensure her happiness and in the end all i get are tears. why am i never enough?
• i wonder if the only reason i’m so skinny is because i have a medical problem, but i refuse to go to the doctor because i’m afraid once they fix it i’ll be fat.
• my cousin raped me when i was asleep. i woke up but pretended to be asleep the whole time. he’s still one of my best friends.
• i think i’m in love with a guy i’m not dating. i’m not even sure if he likes me as more than a friend.
• i lied. i used a butter knife. / it depresses me to the extreme when i go a whole day on a full cell phone charge and lose no bars. it makes me feel so empty and alone.
• whenever there is a thunderstorm, i pretend to be scared so my dad will let me get into bed with him. then when he is asleep again i play with his penis.
  
• i lie all the time. to everyone. to friends and family. i don’t even think about it anymore and people actually believe me.
• i’m sick of the stories where everything with the couple ends up perfect and in love. what about the rest of us who don’t get a good ending? what happens to us?
• when i spend the night at my friend’s house, i have sex with his mom after he goes to sleep.
• my mom makes my lunch.
• she says i have proven to her that i am incapable of settling down and that all that is left to do for me is to stay at home alone sitting in the corner. she also said she will not try to stop me if i try to get away. she is a liar.
• so i like him a lot and he likes me too but i don’t know to what extent. i want to show him differently from all of the other girls, i want to prove him wrong and i know i can. but i just want to give up now. it feels like this is going no where with him.
• it’s been almost three weeks. i didn’t think it would be this hard to stop. i want to cut every freaking day.
• every day that i don’t talk to you i feel a weight off of my shoulders. the problem is there is always a weight added to my heart.
• i save textsecrets that i connect with so when i read them later i can think, “i’m not alone.”
• the 18th is going to be so awkward. it’s going to be my first time seeing him in forever. i think i might still like him, or at least my memory of him.
• he’s the reason why i wake up each day. he has finally given me something to look forward to and i can’t even have him to myself.
• to the secret about practicing giving bj’s on your brother; thanks for the idea! my brother and i have never been so close.
• please don’t let anything happen to you because i don’t think i would be able to handle it.
• one of my son’s best friends since kindergarten sent an invitation for me, to my office, for her 18th birthday party, with a lipstick kiss. i’ve been hard ever since!

textsecret

• i hate looking for a job. it is the most irritating thing that i have ever had to do.
• i’m gay.
• i just want to hold your hand. snuggle close on your couch. you feel like home to me. we’re perfect together, i just wish you could see that. i wish i could tell you. / no one knows how much i masturbate. at least once a day i read lesbian erotica and masturbate, no matter where i am. i’m a girl and i think i’m straight. / i’m not dying. i just told them that so they want me in their lives more. it’s just another excuse to push everyone away so i never have to get too close.
• i’m slowly pushing everyone who means something to me away so when i leave no one will hurt as much as i do.
• i told everyone i got over my best friend a month ago but as i was driving him home today i looked in his eyes and wondered if i made any progress at all. at the time i thought it was the truth but now i’m not sure. i would be his if he asked and i’m so ashamed. i can’t afford to lose him because of this all over again.
• i want to be back in your life but obviously you don’t want to be back in mine. i wish things were different. i love you. i never stopped. i’m sorry i pushed you away. / i’ve decided i’m done caring. caring only gets you hurt and i’m sick of being hurt.
• you’re assuming that what i haven’t told you yet is that i love you but what you don’t know is that i’m bi and very much in love with you.
• he shaves his ass. he is gross. / her unibrow could seriously use some plucking. i guess she thinks it matches her mustache.
• i’m beginning to think that love is just not in the cards for me and some days i’m really ok with that.
• i’m getting married! this is the happiest i’ve been since my son was born. i don’t plan on telling anyone yet. / ha! he wants me to stop smoking? when he stops looking at porn i will stop smoking. like he will ever stop.
• i’m a sophomore in high school and an uncontrollable nymphomaniac. i couldn’t be happier.
• this is so difficult. i can’t tell if i’m keeping him close or pushing him away. i can’t lose my best friend. / there’s this kid, only two of my friends know i like him. i’m really hoping he will ask me to prom. i know he probably already has a date. this sucks. i wanna ask. / this is the proudest i have been of myself in a long time. now i just have to move on to my next goal.
• i can’t wait for you to move away so i can be a better person.
• i can’t look my boyfriend in the face because the only person i see when i do is you.
• i’m not beautiful. it’s ok for you to say so. i’d rather have you say i’m not then lie to my face and make fun of people who look like me. stop saying i’m beautiful.
• i know who i am, i am your’s.
• to the text about dr. frank-n-furter, you’re not alone. i find him sexy too.
• i’m so happy i’m with you now but despite what you tell me i sometimes question if you really feel the same.
• i met someone new but i don’t feel the same connection i did with my ex. i’m afraid i might just be using him so i don’t feel so alone anymore.
• i have decided that if things don’t get better for me by the time i think of a good suicide note i will do it. i’ve got it all planned except the note.
• i never win.
• i’ve been anorexic for two years. i’ve been getting better. the love of my life made a comment yesterday about my curves. i’ve shoved my finger down my throat five times since then.
• my mother always brags about how good a driver i am but the truth is i’m fucking terrible and can’t remember any of the rules. if she knew i would never drive again.
• she didn’t see craig owens.
• i just want someone to tell me everything is going to be ok.
• you’re my best friend but right now you’re being a whore. p.s. stop with the dumb act attention whore doesn’t look good on you.
• every time i pee it makes me think of the mythbusters episode with peeing on the third rail and how they never tested if real pee streams stay together.
• i’m afraid that the only reason i’m still with you is to prove her wrong. you may love me but i think i’m only attached. i’m sorry. i’ll wait for you to leave.
• i hope he realizes that i will always love him more than i could ever love myself.

textsecret

• flectere si nequeo superos, acharaeronta move bo.
• my insides haven’t been hurting for a while now. i kind of miss the pain.
• truth is i don’t want to share any of it. i wanna save it all for myself and get a feeling like no other. / i wish i could tell him that i know about her and i just wish he would know that it’s tearing me apart even if i don’t show it. / sometimes i just want my secrets everywhere, shout them out to the world, let everyone know the real me, tell my best. but i’m too afraid of being judged again. / i wish i was as happy as everyone believes.
• i used to fantasize about dr. frank-n-furter, from ‘rocky horror’, and myself. i think his fishnets and his corset are sexy.
• i’ve had sex with my father in the same room as we were.
• everyone around me is starting to hate me. they don’t know i’m doing this on purpose so they won’t miss me when i’m gone.
• i am in love. i know my dad. i hate wow. i’m adopted. i don’t get hurt a lot. i am a liar. i know that. too bad no one else does.
• i think i’m in love with my best friend. i was having sex with my fwb and i was thinking about my best friend the whole time. but my bestie is gay. what do i do? / i’m afraid you’ve left too many times for us to be ok again.
• i wish we were close enough to ask you why. maybe someday?
• a psychic told my mom that in the month of march i’ll start to see that i’m pretty much over him. so why do i have this nagging feeling that he’s cheating on me?
• i killed myself on february 5 but they revived me. now, every fifth day of a new month, i’m sure i will have that craving to finally be free, again.
• i would give anything to marry him right now. i hate being underage.
• the more we talk the more i want you back in my life forever. / how come every guy in the world can see me but he can’t?
• i was never really alive. / i know i’m getting fat because when the bus went down bumpy roads my thighs jiggled too.
• when i read, ‘a relationship is two people equally needing each other’, i instantly become afraid that i might be needing my girlfriend more than she needs me.
• i really want to develop an eating disorder so i can be skinny for once.
• sometimes i wish you would really just drop dead. you were my all at one point and look at it now you sold me out with your new fake attitude and your new fake life. i know you miss me so stop fighting it and let go. you’ll never know how much i hate but how much i care for you.
• i can’t stand my best friend’s parents. every time i see them i want to tell them what assholes they are to her, but i never do.
• it has been over two years but i still love him more and more everyday. i never expected this but it is more than welcome.
• i kinda wish sexual orientation was contagious.
• she thinks spandex count as underwear. she’s disgusting.
• i wish pokemon were real.
• he would love me if my name were mary jane – i hope he quits smoking and maybe be my best friend again, not a memory.
• he’s ok with my other boyfriend as long as we don’t go beyond making out. we already have. i’ve wanted him since high school and i wasn’t missing my chance. / i love my eating disorder. / i’m taking my boyfriend’s deployment as an opportunity to dive more completely into my eating disorder.
• i’m falling in love with someone i never met but i talk to her all day everyday.
• i hate it when she hugs him in front of me because she knows i like him and it’s really annoying and i can’t stand it.
• everybody sees it as a bad thing but him cheating showed me he cared. not because i cried countless nights to sleep from being torn into pieces or because every part in my body aches like there’s no tomorrow whenever i think about it but because of what he did afterwards to change, for me.
• writing is the only thing i can count on anymore. it’s what keeps me from killing myself. i wish i could do this for a living.

last week i asked you to answer the question, "what is your armor?". here are your responses:

• my 18 month old keeps me strong and reminds me to always pull forward no matter what. he keeps me going. he is my armor.
• my armor is my brick wall. i sometimes feel like pink floyd. i’m so scared i will close myself off with no way to escape.
• being a slut. nobody can have a real emotional attachment to me if all they see is a slut. nobody can get in; no one can hurt me (nobody but me).
• nonchalance is my armor. if i say something casually as though it doesn’t matter to me it won’t. right? anyone too perceptive of this terrifies me.
• being stoned in school helps me to ignore how bitchy my friends are. i just smile and imagine hitting them.
• misdirection and avoidance. i just keep changing the subject until they all get tired of waiting or forget what we were talking about.
• my parent’s love for me is my armor. i know that they are forever accepting me. i love them so much.
• my armor is the fake smile i’ve spent the last six years perfecting so people can’t tell when something is wrong.
• i am 60lbs overweight. this way people don’t really see me and i can continue to be alone, which is all i want since the divorce.
• my armor is the happy facade i hide behind most days. but more than that, my armor is my hetero life mate.
• i’m my own armor. self obsessed? not at all. i only wake up every morning and tell myself i’m good enough and strong enough because no one else will do it for me.
• my armor is knowing that i am finally with a guy who loves me. all of me and nothing more than me. she said i always look happy. this is the reason.
• my smile and personality. i use it to not only keep people from asking questions but to help myself ignore what’s really going on inside my head.
• my words and my boyfriend. they both protect me from the world but let me shine and have the world shine back.
• my armor is my apathy towards everything.
• my armor is a mask. every person in the world sees a different me.

and here are this week's secrets. as always, thank you for sharing.

• why can’t he be real with me like he is with everyone else? it’s like he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me. i don’t know why i bother.
• i don’t know my best friends anymore and that scares the hell out of me.
• we made a pinky pact to be best friends forever. now we’re drifting apart and it kills me. i hope he reads this and realizes that i’m still alive because if not who else will laugh at the word ‘chowder’ with me?
• i’m texting you instead of him. i miss him. i love him. he thinks he loves her just so he won’t let himself love me.
• my dad deploys to iraq soon. i’m kind of excited because i know i can take advantage of my mom the whole year.
• i would love to see my ex and have sex with him. even if he is an asshole he is so fucking attractive!
• out of the friends i’ve lost, i miss my online friends more than my real friends because they were my escape from the harsh world. they were there.
• i have gained a few pounds the last few months. i take it as a personal insult and sign of disgust at my current body that my boyfriend doesn’t like to having sex.
• i forced myself to puke again for the first time in a year. i’ve also been watching how many calories are in the food i eat and limiting how many. today i ate 610.
• i just don’t know anymore.
• today i almost killed myself by downing a bottle of pills. what stopped me was one of my friends texting me saying, “you mean the world to me. if anything happened to you, i don’t know what i’d do with myself. i hope you have a better day.” she saved my life and for that i am so grateful.
• i hope upon hope that this change of scenery is something that can be finally right for me.
• she has no friends and i wish she would realize it.
• i’m tired of trying to win your love. i’m tired of doing so much for you and giving so much up for you only to be let down again and again. i’m through.
• marriage is a scary thing to talk about but when i talk about it with her it feels natural and right (i’m a girl).
• i’m falling for someone i met online. i’m scared to meet her because i don't want to find out she isn't as amazing as i thought.
• i'm ready to leave him. but if he would just kiss me, the way he used to, i think i might reconsider.
• i’ll be 20 this year. i’ve never had a boyfriend nor have i been kissed. you’ll be 26 this year and you have a long distance girlfriend. i would give anything to for you to kiss me and it makes me feel like such a horrible person. i just wish you would stop confiding in me about you girlfriend now that you’ve told me she existed. i know you’re lying about your age and various other things but i’m so depressed about the other situation that i don’t even care and it is so pathetic.
• the silence is so loud when you are alone.
• a new school and 200 miles separates us but nothing armors my dreams from your face.
• …is what is keeping me from fully enjoying what you feel for me. i wish i could relate to love songs without calling myself stupid after each thought.
• i will never be loved. i cry myself to sleep. i just want someone to care about me again and love me. i know i’m needy but i miss it terribly and i want to be loved.
• so i fall in like with this guy and all he ends up doing is choosing her over me.
• our friends are right; we would be so cute, we’re perfect for each other. you think it’s a coincidence you stumbled back into my life?
• i had a dream about us finally being together. it seemed so real i didn’t want to wake up.
• i’m so scared that my mind dysphasia has turned into cervical cancer but i can’t even tell my boyfriend how i feel. i’m 17; i shouldn’t be scared of having cancer.
• now that we’re not together it hurts to watch "jon & kate + 8" because when i do i remember you saying, “that’s what our kids will look like someday”.
• he doesn’t feel like my dad anymore.
• my little sister has started wearing wristbands now like me. i hope she’s not cutting like me.
• i met a new guy! oh, and you’re boring and no fun. i feel so free without you!
• i feel sick and tired of him and i am fed up with his crap. i feel like he only talks to me and hangs out with me to get in my pants. why can’t i get over him?
• i can’t wait to get out of this town but i am terrified of college.
• i am truly against abortions and i give the people i know who have had one shit for it. but if i got pregnant right now i would probably get one and that breaks my heart.
• i’m sick of everyone comparing me to my best friend. i’m sick of the fact that no matter what i do everyone loves her and i get nothing. anyone i talk to, it’s always about her.
• sleeping with my head on your shoulder is about as close as i get to feeling whole. thank you.
• today i got accepted into my first choice college. i’ll be moving and i’ll finally have a fresh start. i can finally leave you and what you did to me behind. it’s a liberating feeling.

i'm going to attempt another theme week. the last went over so well that i'm keeping my fingers crossed that this will work again. i will also publish any secrets sent to me, just as i did last time. for this week's theme, answer this question:

...what is your armor?

i will not elaborate on the question, so please do not ask. i will only publish one answer per phone number and the answer must fit into the space of a single text (160 characters or less). i'm excited to hear back from you.

please tell your friends about this blog and encourage them to join the conversation.

as always, thank you for sharing. here's this week's secrets:

• i wish i had died instead of my mom. since my parents died i haven't felt alive.
• i love you. i don’t know how i'm going to live without you. i’m going back over to iraq as a contractor. my only hope is to be killed so i don’t have to deal with pain anymore. so you get your wish that your completely rid of me. i'm sorry i’ve hurt you so bad. i love you.
• every night i fear that somebody will tell the authorities about him but none of it ever even happened.
• i love him but i’m too afraid to tell him. it’ll kill me if he doesn’t say it back. that’s my biggest fear right now.
• you make me so happy.
• we’ve been sneaking around for over a year. i’m in love with my daughter’s husband and i’m scared she and my wife will find out.
• my sister taught me everything i know about sex.
• i heard you broke up. do you think we have a chance to be friends again?
• i miss you. all my friends are right. we would end up being together if you were here but i would want it that way. you made me really happy.
• whenever i hear, "if i was your vampire", i still think of that night, in the tent, when everything felt perfect.
• i’m in love with my best friend. weed brought us together. you’re getting distant but i’m still addicted to both of you.
• i hate living at home. i want to move out.
• i hate not knowing who my true friends are but i guess not really knowing is part of life.
• i’ve never felt more hopeless than i do right now yet people marvel at how strong and happy i am.
• i sit in the front of my english class so my teacher can look up my skirt.
  
• nothing hurts me more than to hear my mom say she has no regrets after having an affair. dad was the best thing to happen to her. i guess that was only temporary.
• just when i was doing my fucking best, that’s when i see you; plus wife, plus kid.
• one time when i was at my girlfriend’s house her dog kept jumping on me so i “spartan kicked” it.
• i go to confession without panties and touch myself while the priest is talking.
• i can see the good in everybody but myself.
• i secretly hope his girlfriend is pregnant so he will have to tell his boyfriend about her. i’m tired of being the only one who knows the truth, especially when he thinks he’s getting away with lying to me. i know the truth and because i know the truth we’re growing apart as best friends. i hate the lies. / every time i’m having a bad day or i’m kind of down my favorite band comes on the radio. i like to think of the coincidence as if someone is watching over me and knows that it will make me feel better. it wouldn’t be so random if they were a popular band but since they are new to the mainstream, i like to think they’re played just for me.
• i dated a guy i knew would cheat on me because he was so attractive he made me feel hot just being next to him. when i found out he cheated, i had sex with his best friend to get back at him. his friend was a lot better! / i love being your friend but i’m so glad we went to different schools being with you is so emotionally draining that i want to cry whenever i come home from hanging with you.
• we’re getting so good at making excuses for our latest mistakes.
• after ordering pizza for only myself, i yell, “pizza’s here!” so the delivery guy doesn’t think i’m eating alone.
• i’m glad you’re back in my life. even though you completely crushed me when you left before i still love you and praying you make this time worth all of the pain from before.
• i was so nervous on my wedding day i was sweating bullets. not even a valium helped. i didn’t think anything would help until my fiance’s mom took me aside and gave me head. i had a clam smile on the rest of the day.
• after a year and a half of hell, you’d think i’d run from him. but in all honesty, more than anything, i’m terrified he’ll abandon me.
• you are successfully pushing me away. i love you and would do anything to for you but you just won’t let me. i don’t know what else to do. it hurts me so much to have to walk away.
• i can’t wait until summer and my son is home from college so i can watch he and his hot friends play around the pool!
• i desperately want to meet new people, however, i don’t put any effort into it.
• i’m seeing an old flame but i still feel crippled with commitment because of my ex. i don’t think i’m ready for this.
• i wish i could see that little kid again and let his mother know that his smile and “hi” made my day.
• i hate that everyone i know compares me to my best friend and how they tell me i should be more like her.
• i take my mother’s xanax pills.
• my sister and i masturbate together.
• i think i found a way to make it all better but i might be afraid to go after it.
• she’s right next to me and i’ve never missed her more.
• i’m glad you and your boyfriend broke up. it was an unhealthy relationship. hopefully now you can get better and stop cutting.
• i have secrets that i try to hide even from myself.
• i wish he wanted me the way he wanted her.
• you’re a selfish, dumb, inconsiderate brat! there, i said it.
• i had sex with the limo driver and his friend before picking up my boyfriend before prom.
• i almost gave up on christian guys until i met you. thanks for giving me hope that there are decent guys out there.
• my mother’s cackling laugh stirs so much anger in me that i want to hit her. i’m not a violent person.
• i have a crush on the boy my best friend is in love with.
• so i met this guy and i like him but i have a boyfriend. i feel so damned guilty because of the fact that i was so hurt when he liked someone.
• i love my girlfriend but i want this guy to fuck me. problem is that i’m so afraid of the affects of sperm that i can’t do it. it scares me. also, i don’t want to leave her.
• i was inspired by a secret so i asked my fiance for a puppy and i haven’t been happier!
• i wish i could be that girl in those love songs i hear.
• honestly i don’t know why i try. i feel so weak and pathetic. i’ve never had a normal relationship. am i trying enough? is it normal to feel this way?
• it’s been over a year since i was in the hospital last time. i still want to kill myself. it never gets better.

textsecret

here are this week's secrets. as always, thank you all for sharing.

• sometimes i wish my boyfriend would dress more like his best friend but a big part of me wants him to never change.
• i dress up. not for important meetings or projects, but rather to feel good about myself.
• i feel like there is no reason to be here but talking to you gives me a reason to stay. thanks.
• i developed my career and finished college at 19. i love what i do and i make good money but i feel stuck. i’m not happy where i am and i’m too settled to do anything drastic. i’m 23 now.
• i hate feeling vulnerable.
• i don’t feel good enough to be on frank’s site. i’ve never mailed in a secret for fear of rejection and i also felt my boyfriend deserved them more. but i have sent multiple e-mails in hope they would appear under the secrets. if one did that would be a sign to me that he cares and i would have mailed in some secrets. lately i’ve had a feeling of not being good enough and now the thing that has always been there for me is letting me down. i think i just want some proof that he reads them all too.
• i really wanna be with you.
• i have no respect for my parents but i live at home because i can’t afford to be on my own. i wish every day that i had the money to leave and never come back.
• every night i charge my phone hoping that you’ll call. i can’t tell anybody though, i’m too proud to let anyone know of your power over me.
• i’m eating more than i have been for months. i feel like i’m overeating. no matter how much i eat i still feel empty. i want my control back.
• you hurt me for the last time, i’m through with you. thank god i have friends that love me.
• the people i fear the most are dentists because they inflict more emotional and physical pain than anybody else. that’s saying a lot from an abused person.
• i know he’s just using me because i know him perfectly. he’s my best friend and i can’t bear to lose him. at least i’m using him too. loneliness is a burden.
• i don’t have the heart to tell him.
• i pooped my pants in the fourth grade.
• lately i’ve been feeling so uncomfortable, lonely, scared, strange and, worst of all, like i’m not supposed to be here. why can’t i ever just feel alive and well?
• i’m sorry but you are the one who made a huge mistake, not me!
• you’ve got nothing to worry about. the guy i liked for 3 years, the one who liked me back, switched schools today. you, not him, are amazing. i love you!
• i’m giving up facebook-stalking my ex-friend. i don’t have the will to tell anyone but i wanted to get it in writing somewhere so i’m obliged to keep my word.
• i only listen to ‘escape the fate’ because it reminds me of her. i still remember that amazing night every day.
• i want to scream, jump up and down, collapse, and cry. does nobody see the pain i’m going through? all for a man who thinks he loves me. i’m risking it all for him.
• i’ve been having sex with my gym teacher in her office during lunch since the new semester started.
• we never fought before. i’m doubting everything. i hate it.
• today i found out a person i knew hung himself. i didn’t know him that well but i will miss him.
• i secretly wish she would turn on you. you don’t deserve anyone to be with you.
• everything is my fault, i know, but i won’t admit it. especially to them. they don’t deserve the satisfaction.
• i hate coming in second place to video games in my boyfriend’s heart. it hurts a lot.
• i’m sitting in class right now thinking of you and wishing that everything would just fall into place like it does in the movies.
• i’m terrified of what my future will look like.
• i’m almost 15 and i’m considering having sex. i wanted to wait until i was 18 but i feel like i’m ready. i just wish i could figure out what i really want.
• i honestly hate my family.
• i say that i’m done with him but truthfully i want nothing more than to be with him. he hurt me so many times, i don’t know why i’m dying to be with him.
• i let my brother take my virginity last night. it was better than i imagined.
• i get so jealous when he talks to other girls, i can’t help but feel alone. it can take me from being in a wonderful mood to wanting to curl up in a ball.
• i love it when you hug me. those are the only real hugs i get and you’ve got no idea how much i need you.
• i wish i could know if you’re hurting. at least then i wouldn’t regret wasting my time on such a cold-hearted, two-faced bitch as a friend. i deserve an apology from you for fucking me over. i know you won’t ever admit that you’re wrong or sorry. no matter how many people walk away from you, you’ll always play the victim. i feel bad for you.
• for the first time in a long time i feel pretty.
• my name always has meaning when she says it.
• i send texts to my girlfriend while watching hardcore asian porn. if she asks to call I say i’m on the treadmill.
• the person whom i’ve known all my life, my best friend, is starting to annoy the hell out of me.
• to keep from cutting the last few depressing days i’ve let my puppy bite me as hard as she wants so nobody knows i harmed myself again.
• my worst fear is that i won’t make it out of here alive. and that is my greatest wish.
• i want him but he wants her.
• i love the taste and feel of cum! i want it all over me!
• i’m 15 and have recently been drinking heavily and love it because for the first time i feel like i’ve found a place with no worries.
• i work at a grocery store in a very wealthy neighborhood. whenever a customer is being really difficult i slip a $1 donation into their order for the charity of the month. they rarely notice and if they do they never have the heart to tell me to void off the charity contribution. i feel like robin hood.
• some days i wish i could trade places with another person just to know how they see the world. if they maybe see it better than i do.
• i wish someone would ask me to prom in the cute way he’s planning on asking you. too bad you’re going to say no. you don’t know what you’re missing.
• why is everyone so interested in her? i don’t get it. everyone tells me she’s not attractive and she has no personality yet every guy seems to flock to her. why?
• why can’t i do this?
• it’s been four months. i’ve been taking my meds and have pretty much decided against taking my life and i am finally beginning to feel happy again.
• she was right. it’s a good thing i fell for him. accepting that and telling him was the best decision i’ve ever made.

some notes regarding this blog:

1. for those who don't realize it, the number for textsecret is above on the banner.
2. if anyone wants to put a banner on their profile message me on myspace and i will send you the code. the link does not work so it will just be a banner.
3. in order for this community to grow i will rely on those of you who visit to pass the word and encourage others. if each of you can tell ten people about this site, and those ten people tell ten people... well, you know how the rest goes.

here are this week's secrets. as always, thank you all for sharing.

• i hate it. i am married to a man i don't love, and wishing i could be with the one that i do.
• a few months ago i sent a guy i used to like topless photos of me. now, he is using them to blackmail me into sending him more. i don’t want to do it but i have no way out
• you left your old account signed in on myspace. i just spent the last hour reading old messages from your ex. i wish i would’ve gotten to see the side of you that you showed her before she destroyed you. now you’re scared to get close to anyone. i deserve the side of you that she threw away. / i’m going to fail my next anatomy test because i can’t find the motivation to really study. i’ve already accepted the fact that i’m probably going to have to take this class again. i’ve never felt so unintelligent and lost in my academic life. / i don’t understand why so many of our guy friends go crazy over you. i think you’re funny looking. i get a sick satisfaction from hearing about how one of the guys at the party that asked for my number (but didn’t get it) thought that it was gross that he kissed you. you always used to win. now it’s my turn. / i’m so sick of being disappointed by you. i deserve so much better than this. let me go
• because i can’t do this anymore. / sometimes you make me want to drive full-speed into a cement wall. you don’t deserve to make me feel that way. fuck you. / instead of cutting myself i bruise myself. no scars but plenty of pain.
• today is my first appointment and i know it’s my start to a better future for me and i want to shout it out to the world. / i thought that taking this first step would be good. instead it has made me go back two steps and realize people really need to be quiet. / i’m trying to love myself for who i am but i still feel like a worthless piece of crap.
• i just had major surgery. no one knows the real reason why. they all say they are glad i’m ok but in my head i’m saying, “i’m not”.
• i just found out your name today. at least now i can stop calling you “taco bell guy”. thank you for noticing me when i feel invisible. i wish i could tell you that every time you compliment me you make my day. i want to tell you that you have the most amazing eyes and i love your philly accent. i want you. not only physically. i want to know all about you. i just wish i wasn’t too shy to tell you all of this.
• i have over 200 contacts in my phone and i can’t call one of them my friend.
• i read people’s facebook quotes and laugh even though i was never there.
• all i want to do is leave but i have nowhere to go.
• i love texting because the only way my friends know if something is wrong is if i tell them.
• they come to me to talk them out of killing themselves. truthfully, i want to tell them it’s not worth it and that i want to die more than they do but i don’t to save them.
• i hate being such a jealous person. i hate every girl that he talks to. i pretend like i’m fine with it so he won’t be mad but really it’s eating me up inside.
• i faked an orgasm because after five minutes i was afraid i was taking too long and he would get mad.
• even though we’re not friends anymore i just thought you should know that i was right about her. she’s going to dump you for another guy after the banquet. / i have fallen in love with a fictional character. / i keep listening to a song that reminds me of us just so i can keep you with me a little bit longer. / i’ve loved you since the first day we met. you deserve better. you deserve me.
• i wish my niece’s mom would let me keep her or that her mom’s new husband would leave them so i could have a solid relationship with them again.
• i’m 13 almost 14 and i’ve been addicted to cutting myself since i turned eleven.
• my mom is leaving us again. i hate that when the going gets rough the only thing she resolves to do is leaving our family.
• i don’t like her. not because she’s a bitch but because she gets to kiss you. i just want to kiss you one more time.
• i fake phone calls and dates so my parents won’t think i’m not good enough to get a real date.
• it disgusts me when gay people hate themselves for being gay or hate gay people in general. i can’t stand it and would rather them all disappear.
• i have some shitty-ass friends but i can never step up to get them fully out of my life.
• my life is not perfect, not by a long shot, but it is going exactly the way i want it to. this is good.
• you were right, i went out with her for the wrong reasons and now i regret not being with you. every time i look at you i think you are the girl of my dreams.
• when i was in fifth grade i read ’50 sexy tricks’ in cosmo. i think about the ‘tricks’ when i’m with you.
• i think what a lot of teenagers think is depression is just life. growing up is hard and not every emotion is a mental disease.
• damn it! i let i happen again. i fell back in love with that adorable blonde boy from roseburg.
• i fell in love (the teenage version) with someone i met on postsecret. he’s ten years older and probably doesn’t feel the same.
• today, i officially got over the boy i’ve loved for 2 yeas. what pushed me over the edge was my decision to completely cut ties with him the day after we graduate. i’ve never felt more free in my life.
• when i’m on the road i like to look at other people just to see what they look like even though i know it will be awkward if they look back.
• he said, ‘i try to convince myself that you don’t mean anything to me but i think about you every second of every day’. if that is true then why is he still with her?
• hi think i could really love him. i hope he gives me a chance.
• i’m tired of being second best to my best friend.
• i am lost in life. i have no idea who i am.
• i still have a silent hatred of my boyfriend’s ex. she hated me first!
• i’m not the person everyone thinks i am but i do love you with my whole heart and soul. please love me.
• i’m a lesbian but i love men in suits.
• i think my girlfriend is just using me.
• i can’t keep talking to you on the phone or i might fall in love with you.
• tomorrow i turn 18. i wonder if i’m ready to grow up.
• the taste of beer makes me gag and i think that’s the reason i haven’t gone out drinking in over a month. i’m a popular college student at a party school.
• numbing myself is the only thing that works anymore.
• i’m falling in love with you.
• my breath still catches in my chest every time i see you.
• my boyfriend dumped me saturday but changed his mind and now i wish we were broken up. i’m just staying with him to see what he’s like in bed. / every time i have sex it feels like abuse. i feel like it’s the only thing i’m good at or for.
• i am in serious danger of falling for my roommate’s boyfriend.
• i’ve become more promiscuous in the last year and i’m hating myself.
• as karma would have it, a girl that doesn’t believe in bi-sexuality is sexually interested in her best friend.
• i would gladly relive any of the days we spent together over and over again.

textsecret

• sometimes i feel as if i don't have a purpose here. if i just disappeared one day, no one would miss me.
• i’m still in love with my high school sweetheart. he will never know it even though i still see him every day and call him regularly
• i only have sex with him because i feel guilty for not loving him.
• drugs have been more fulfilling in my life than anything else.
• i’m so afraid that i don’t know what to do. my whole life depends on the outcome of these next several months and i just know i’m going to fuck them up.
• she said he would look good with that tattoo on his neck. she doesn’t know its meaning. she doesn’t know he’s mine. and she damn sure doesn’t know i will beat [end of text]
• it’s gotten to the point where i can’t even look at myself in the mirror without being disgusted.
• i overdosed and was in a coma for three days. i pretend i’m all better now but i wish i hadn’t been found when i was or that i would have succeeded.
• i’m a lot more jealous than i let on most days. i also hate your boyfriend more then i tend to tell you.
• i don’t want to be the girl who feeds his ego. i want to be the girl who stirs his soul.
• i wish for once i wasn’t the best friend who you could always rely on, always trust, but never think about. i hate how i’m cute only when they’re wasted.
• i was unfaithful last weekend for the first time in my life. i don’t feel guilty and i wonder what that makes me.
• i kinda want to tell her i slept with her boyfriend because he ignores me now.
• i love my friends and i hope someday they can forgive me.
• while i’m addicted to both, i’m far more addicted to him than i am to oxycontin. my life would be better if i quit both but i don’t think i can handle losing him and i don’t know if i can quit oxy while i’m still around him.
• when we played the heart game at school today he gave me his paper heart. he could’ve given it to his crush or the girl he’s fucking. instead he gave it to his best friend. i couldn’t have been happier.
• i know i will never fully get over it. i’m afraid it will ruin other relationships.
• when i tell someone that my life sucks and they tell me it’s better than the alternative i want to prove them wrong.
• i feel like all i’ll ever be good for is sex. i don’t deserve to be loved.
• my work here is done and i’m erasing my existence.
• whenever I eat food in the car i think of how humiliating it would be to be found in a wreck with cheddar bacon fries all of my face.
• i’m afraid this relationship is nothing but college freshman love and it will end sooner than expected.
• i love my girlfriend so much. i think i would start cutting again if she ever left me but i keep fucking up. i’m surprised she hasn’t left yet.
• one year ago today i had the worst day of my life and six months ago i had the best day. too bad both of those have turned out badly and the people involved want nothing more to do with me and i have no one left.
• there is a lady sitting across from me on the bus and she hasn’t stopped smiling. i’m jealous.
• my fiancee died two years ago. i moved 2000 miles away. no one here knows. a woman i’m interested in wants to get drinks tonight. this sucks.
• i hope you’re not jealous. after all, i want to make out with you just as much. you are so gorgeous how could anyone not want to?
• i’m so insecure i make germophobes feel better about themselves.
• for the first time in more than three years i didn’t wear makeup today and i felt beautiful. i finally have godly beauty and not worldly.
• i’m afraid i can only be happy when i use people for their bodies.
• i keep telling my friend that i’m going to be fine but quite honestly i don’t think i will be. i’m pretty sure i’m going to die.
• i want to walk away from it all. just take my kids and live in a mountain cabin and live off of the land. i hate where i am in my life. if it weren’t for my kids i know i’d be dead.
• sometimes i just sit and wonder why any of us are here. we certainly aren’t getting anything done. maybe we’re just waiting to die. then i remember her and i know.
• i sometimes wish i was allergic to bees so i would have a good reason to be afraid of them.
• yeah, he was going to visit me at college but you finally caught on. i thought he loved me more. i was wrong.
• i cheated on my husband with his best friend. she’s beautiful!
• i had sex with men three times my age for money to be able to buy a textbook. now i have the ability to disassociate my mind from my body and i’ve developed a second person of me named michelle.
• i cling to being not ok because happiness scares the daylights out of me.
• i think i’m in love with the boy i’m dating who is eleven years younger than me and i keep hoping a condom will break so i can get pregnant and can keep him.
• i think it’s funny when you talk about something that you think you know all about and i prove you wrong.
• i may have finally met a nice guy and i’m scared shitless.
• i feel like the man of my dreams doesn’t exist, yet i know i’m only seventeen.
• i look up at the night sky wondering if the person i’m supposed to be with is looking up as well thinking the exact same thing.
• just please, leave my whole heart.
• he wonders what he did wrong for me to want to not date him. the truth is, he’s the only guy i wanted to fuck and i don’t want to loose my virginity as a teenager.
• people always tell me how beautiful i am and that i should be a model. so why do i feel fat when i’m 6’ tall and 155 pounds and definitely not fat? i hate it.
• i lost my best friend to weekend parties.
• i would give anything to look like my best friend.
• i sent you the anonymous rose. i hope you liked it.
• i wished i was pregnant just so he would stay in my life when i really need him. just so i won’t be so alone through all of this. so i’d have a reason to live.
• he’s happy. i’m not. he’s got everything going for him. i have no one. he used to want me. he used to care. not anymore. i’m nothing but his past. i’m nothing to him.
• you want me to sing my songs to you and i want to but i fear the only reason you like the stupid cute things i do for you is because you love the idea of me.
• i had no hope until i found love. it’s the most amazing feeling in the world.
• thank you for making me the luckiest girl ever.
• i told my mom that pack of cigarettes belonged to a friend and i was just holding them for her so she could quit. i lied. they’re mine.
• i just wrote you a letter listing all of the reasons i don’t want to be with you anymore after four years. happy valentine’s day.
• i haven’t pooped in five weeks.
• even though it isn’t a sexual thing at all, it feels so good to have my physical therapist’s hands on my back that i want to cry.